Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

So today I see how I am up then down.. It is like im bipolar and I feel crazy! I still want my marriage and told my H yesterday that we could still salvage what is left. I did clarify that I was not begging him back etc but that no matter what has happened I want what is best for the kids.

Even now he can sit and talk to me about his company and problems but he cant talk about anything else. Why is that? He will tell friends what he thinks but not me. To avoid confrontation? Im not giving him confrontation.. Well except for when I found out he was having an A that was major for me.

How do I complete the custody and D stuff the way he wants (amicable and cheap) without forcing him to tell me what he wants?

He doesnt speak up and then blames it all on me. Just like our marriage.. I told him that I cannot read his mind and asked if he could please tell me what he wants.

he was supposed to arrive early today before the kids got up and then we could discuss custody. Very important and we even discussed that he would be there and not be late. I did text him at 5 he was getting up according to his reply. He didnt show up AGAIN.

How am I supposed to compromise with him at all if he cant keep his word on a small thing? Is this is tactic for justifying his actions AGAIN? It was about the kids not me can he not seperate the two? I didnt complain too loud I just requested him to let me know when we could meet and that I would just take the kids..

Why do I feel like he ripped out my heart and ran over it about a hundred times? Now I wonder if I am more sad because I couldnt fix this marriage or because im losing him. I sometimes believe it is not the latter.. Which makes it even worse.. Was I really married to someone I didnt know at all? Who didnt know me at all?