Divorce on the horizon?

[whitneypinch]

Ya, sometime they cycle from being accommodating one second to be demanding the next.

[AJM]

Yes Tad, I've encountered exactly that. You'll fight for the control of your life that you should have. She'll accuse, spit, scratch and accuse again. Just words Tad. She needs to respect you as a human being. Remember that.
As for the cringing? Yep, been there done that. It feels like ptsd. Know what I've done for that? I face it. With courage and dignity. It has taken a long time and I'm not willing to talk to her (hear her voice) but that's more about me than her or her actions. She's an a**hole. At least that's how she is towards me. I don't let others treat me that way, and I see no reason to let her treat me that way either.

Remember you earn respect. Kindly because to sink to the level of fighting is to lose right then and there. You feel what you feel Tad, but you choose your actions. When you lose your temper or get angry at her actions, she controls you. Break that cycle. There is no reason you should be afraid of her nor should you let her walk on you. Or over you. Or under. Eye to eye - she's the one that left after all.

Overcome the hurt by facing it. At least, that's what has worked for me.

AJ
P.S. did you wear the red shoes?

[Mach1]

I've also noticed lately that I really don't trust many people. The person that I did trust betrayed me and now I'm having a hard time trusting anyone.

Question Tad ....

Think about this statement a little and ask yourself if that is what you want to show the world.....

I know SHE broke your trust , But not trusting again is something that you are letting her steal from you.

I know that trust is a HARD thing to find and give....

Harder to rebuid after it has been broken...

I have been there and lived that, and is isn't pretty.

And I think if you really look at this objectively, you ARE trusting again....just not in a way that you can see...

Trust starts with yourself , and trusting yourself must come first.

How about....

Now that you are really "hearing" what DBing is about, you are starting to trust the process....

And you are starting to trust that the process is working for you...

And you DO trust others, because you post your most inner emotional thoughts to a bunch of people you have never met....

How's that for starting to trust ?

[TAMF]

Mach - that was really great.

Tad, don't let MLC take away your gift of trust. just don't be surprised when good people make bad choices in the future. Cause it will happen, everyone makes mistakes - everyone. Maybe trust now for all of us is just not naive trust? idk.

[job]

Tad,
The "telling you" about picking up your son is her way of controlling the situation. Also, they are so absorbed w/themselves, that they don't stop to consider that the world doesn't revolve them and that you may have plans. If you and your son have plans, then you need to let her know. She needs to learn boundaries and life does go on.

I had to chuckle about cringing when the phone rings. I still do that today and more so if my xh emails me, even after all of this time. I know that when I hear from him, he wants something...never fails.

It takes time to learn to trust again, but it will come. Tad, just give yourself time, don't rush the process.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks AJ, Whitney, Mach, TAMF and Snodderly.

No AJ, I did not wear the red shoes.

Yes Mach, you are right.

After a pretty decent week, today was sort of a crap day.

I guess it is just starting to sink in that my dreamgirl may actually be divorcing me soon. But......

I think I may be done......or just numb. I seem to be getting to the point where I just don't give a sh!t.

W told me earlier today that she would be picking up S16 around 7:30 this evening. That is a little later than usual. I made a comment to a friend that "she must have a hot date." He said "why do you always think the worst?" It got me thinking. He is right. Is there a reason why I think the worst of her these days?

She got here right at 7:30. When all this crap started, she was always late. I didn't answer the door like I usually do. S16 answered it and she talked to him for a few minutes. I was in the other room on the computer. After a few minutes, she made a point to come into the room and say hi to me. I would have been fine not even talking to her. She asked if she could see the back yard because she read on my FB page that I did a bunch of yardwork. Why does she care? Why does she continue to look at my FB page?

After a few minutes of little "non important" chit chat, she decided to leave.

I was really surprised that she didn't bring any paperwork with her regarding some of the stuff we were supposed to settle last Monday. She told me Monday that she would email it to me. Since she didn't, I figured that she would bring it with her. She didn't. No biggie. I was just a little surprised.

I guess my big question tonight is: HOW CAN SHE COME IN HERE AND CARRY ON A CONVERSATION LIKE EVERYTHING IS JUST NORMAL? LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG?"

Thoughts?

Tad

[sunshinelewis]

Because she is trying to CONVEINCE HERSELF that EVERYTHING is fine.
This is to Ease HER GUILT!
And she is guilty because she DOES care deep down inside and is fighting it with everything she has. Because she thinks YOU are the problem.
She thinks if she does this, and all is well with you and the boys, her pain and guilt will go away. ANd she can lead her Happy Little Life.
She is SO FAR OFF!

[sunshinelewis]

just my opinion.

[sunshinelewis]

This is off the subject, (if i may Tad), but is anybody here an Introvert?
If so please see my thread.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks "Sunshine." I hope that you are right.

Question: I received the following text today from W:

"I gave S16 enough school supplies to get him started until he has an actual list."

Do I respond? I haven't yet because it really wasn't a question.

Thoughts?

Tad