Wow! Thanks for all of the input. I'm going to try to address some of the questions that you asked.
You shouldn't trust him, and you SHOULD snoop, at least for a while.
I feel the same way and I've told him that. He says that since he is back that I should give him some slack. He says that he understands why I don't trust him, but that it exasperates him.
IF he wants to be married and work things out, he should be willing to jump through hoops for you, and you should be willing to make those hoops fewer and farther between as you begin to trust him until none exist at all if he lives up to them.
I told him that he would have to do things that he didn't want to do in order for me to learn to trust him again and he pretty much refuses. He's just gotten ALOT better at hiding things since I found that email that he sent to OW. My problem is that I don't know that I can trust him when I KNOW he is hiding things.
Take a critical long look at yourself, is there any truth to what he says?
Absolutely Jack! I have accepted all of the things that I did to push him into an affair and I have apologized and I have been working on myself since last September. I was in a deep depression that was brought on by an IUD and further agitated by losing my job. I was absolutely AWFUL. My personality had done a complete 180 and I didn't even like myself. The problem is that he has NOT apologized for anything. He thinks he was completely justified in his actions and that it was all my fault that it happened and I should just take what he will give and leave it alone.
Have you forgiven him? Have you really? Do you bring up the past if you have? Cause that's not good. If you haven't forgiven him, don't tell him you have. Do not lie, be honest.
I have not forgiven him completely for this and I have told him that. It will take a lot of time for that kind of forgiveness to happen with my whole heart. I do admit to bringing it up occasionally because I really want to understand WHY?? I'm almost obsessed with understanding why he would do this (I know that's detrimental to me)!
This is work, this is hard, and he doesn't seem to think it should be.
No he doesn't! He even admitted that he expected "everything to pretty much go back to normal when he came back". He was having a hard time understanding why me and our D were not just being ECSTATIC that he was back. I tried to explain that for me, I was still protecting myself because of the trust thing.
It has been very trying and to be honest I'm tired of putting in ALL of the work and him just sliding back into his little routine without making any changes or trying anything to help!!
Me: 31 H: 30 Kids: D9 Together almost 12 years Married almost 5 years EA began: 8/10 Separated: 3/11
