Need some guidance....

[Confused423]

Hey Guys!

**I originally posted this in "Piecing", but I thought I would move to newcomers to try and get some different perspectives***

This is going to be really long, so please bear with me....

It's been a long time since I posted, but my H decided that he wanted to come back home. I told him that it had been almost a year since he had been trying to decide whether he wanted me or the OW and that it was time for him to decide where he wanted to be. I told him that I would give him a week to decide what he would like to do. He was very receptive to that and the conversation went really well. He had pretty much been living here for the last month anyway. After the week was up, he said that he would like to give it a shot and that he would like for us to be "married" again.

However, it started to go wrong right from the beginning. We have tried to have R talks and he just says that he felt like he was a great H until last July and that all of our marital problems were my fault. I let that comment go and just tried to focus on doing what we needed to do to work on our marriage. He asked me what I needed from him and I said "I need you to cut all contact with OW(he was still talking to her via text) and he said that he would do that. She emailed him this long gushy email declaring her undying love and how people did not change..yada yada. He didn't email her back and I thought that he was really serious, but then he and my D went to the beach with the family and he replied to the email. He told her that he loved her more than anything and that he had to come back here because of our D, but that he would never love another the way that he loved her and all of that kind of thing. I called him out on the email and he gave me a tale about it being "closure." I've told him that if he loves her that much then he needs to be with her because obviously he doesn't love me that way. He still insists that he wants us to work out our problems because he thinks we can work it out versus him trying to be with her and work things out with our D who was VERY angry with him.

On one hand, I'm glad that he wanted to come back to work on things because our D was having a VERY difficult time, but on the other hand I don't want to be with a husband who's heart is somewhere else. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him again because I don't trust that he loves me. Are we doomed??? Do I have to swallow all of my needs in order to make our marriage work? Do I pretend that I feel completely secure in him? Because I don't feel secure AT ALL. I think he's just hanging out here because it's the easier of the two options and I feel like I'm just the best he could do under the circumstances.

I know this was LONG, but I desperately need HELP. Am I selling myself short by trying to work out a marriage to a man who is obviously head-over-heels in love with another woman? My other question is, if he were so in love with her why did he spend most of his time here? I need some guidance...will someone please give me some ideas? Do I go back to GALing and all of the other DB stuff that I was doing before he came back or what?