Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[MadeToSucceed]

I decided to go ahead and respond. This is what I sent her:

"Honestly that's pretty surprising to me. I wasn't aware of that. I hope whatever he said didn't cause you frustration or distraction. I'll let him know you got his message." She responded "Not at all...Made me teary eyed... Both of them."

Now this is where I may have gone further than I initially planned but I said "Both? I assumed when you said my mom you meant back when she messaged you in May."

She said my mom actually texted her yesterday. I told her I had no clue again and that my mom hadn't shared that with me.

She sent me the message my mother sent her:

"Hello W, how are you? I literally woke up last night with you very much on my mind. I wanted to check on you then but decided I should not. But since I still feel this way I'm taking a chance. I hope that it is ok to contact you. This has been difficult for me because it is like you vanished. My love for you is as a daughter and it just doesn't work to act as if you don't exist. By the way I did not share with anyone that I contacted you."

My mother and W had a very close relationship so this has been very trying on her...particularly because I haven't given my mother details on anything...she has no idea about the EA and PA. I apologized to my W if my mother's text made her uncomfortable and told her I don't share details with her or my grandfather and that is likely why they reached out on their own. My grandfather is visiting my mother in Austin right now so I'm guessing they must have talked yesterday and then both ended up reaching out.

W responded to my "apology" on my mom's behalf (which I probably shouldn't have done but oh well now) by saying "Its really not a problem. Just didn't want to not tell you."

I responded "Ok. Hope you're well. Have a good day." She said "I'm doing ok. I hope all is well with you as well. Sorry to bother you." Then she cracked a joke about something she saw on tv. I told her she wasn't a bother. That I'd just got back from church and lunch and then I followed up on her joke. Convo ended by her laughing at my last remark in reference to the joke.

So it seems not reaching out "worked." When I didn't respond to her right away this morning she got anxious and messaged me to see if I got her first message. When I attempted to end the convo by saying have a good day, she felt the need to say "sorry to bother you." I took the bait a bit and told her she was no bother...I suppose I could have just not said anything to that. A light hearted convo followed to which I didn't keep going by asking more questions (even though I want to know how her training is going and when she runs again). I'm going to stick with this and see how it goes. It seems my mom and grandpa reaching out impacted her some kind of way and so it's hard to tell if she would have messaged me today had they not contacted her but all the same, with the weekend coming I'm finding a few projects I want to work on anyways in hopes of keeping me busy and I'm going to a DivorceCare group at church on Sunday.

And jb...I like what you said and it helps the sanity. I've got to stop chasing.