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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
"we need to talk"

Almost never leads to anything good.


Hmmmmm

Thinking, lesson learnt here!!!!!!

I wanted to talk about it as

1) I was too much of a nice guy in the m
2) again, it is about when w needs assistance
3) that as a partnership we help each other, that is not us anymore
4) I supported w in her career, but w will need to find her own way

I did say we could talk Sunday, thus indicating no biggy

Idk


Me - 37
W - 38
D - 14
S - 12
Together - 16
Married - 12
Bomb - April 13, 2011
W moved out - May 13, 2011

The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL Man #2170073 07/21/11 07:17 PM
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Jack nailed it. "we need to talk" to you and me means nothing. for her it means a bomb is coming.


"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
KenF #2170084 07/21/11 07:50 PM
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I'm in the "take the kids" camp.

I get that we don't want to enable our spouses.

OTOH, WHY you can have time with the kids is irrelevant, isn't it?

IMHO, make this about getting time with the kids, rather than (irrational feelings of) enabling the spouse...

~ kd ~ #2170085 07/21/11 07:51 PM
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oh, I'd think just call her up and let her know that you were just a little "confused" about how it would all work best...

My $0.02

KenF #2170088 07/21/11 07:56 PM
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What about a simple text

Hi, let's talk on Sunday, its nothing major, and nothing to worry about, and I.am sorry you felt that way, that wasn't my intention.


Me - 37
W - 38
D - 14
S - 12
Together - 16
Married - 12
Bomb - April 13, 2011
W moved out - May 13, 2011

The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL Man #2170126 07/21/11 09:01 PM
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W text me at 9.40 asking if I wanted to talk now.

Sent this text back

Hi, tired now........let's talk on Sunday over a cup of tea LOL, its nothing major, and nothing to worry about, and I am sorry its been construed as something major when its not. Night

W replied

Ok c u on Sunday


Me - 37
W - 38
D - 14
S - 12
Together - 16
Married - 12
Bomb - April 13, 2011
W moved out - May 13, 2011

The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL Man #2170258 07/22/11 11:35 AM
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one of the difficulties with this will be that W will have spent 3 days thinking the worst, I'm guessing she already has a long list of possible scenarios and her responses, so mentally she'll be on the defensive from the start. which may make it hard for her to accept your proposal or ideas.


"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
KenF #2170279 07/22/11 01:23 PM
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Certainly poses food for thought then ken.........

Maybe I should throw something completely left field to her!!!!!!!!


Seriously though, W knows that it's nothing serious about me or the kids (w saw kids in the morning at school), so why was she sooooooo worried????

I think I will say something like, when we were a partnership I fully supported her and her career, and will look to help where I can, however that will not always be possible now.

I will also say it was regarding the kids, as S12 doesn't want to go to W's again. W asked him yesterday and he said that he didn't want to, W replied with, thanks a lot S12.......... That's trying to make him feel guilty, he is 12!!!!!! Plus I may also mention about W not coming bowling and D14 was waiting for her, so not fair on her.

I really want to ask her why she was so worried though!



I don't know what to do TBH........

The information I have from D14
Being more friendly
And being so worried about what I wanted to talk to her about

I believe that she is hoping that I chase her, (so she is not the one taking the risk or being venerable), but as per the information on perusing and distancing in MLC, if I do initiate something, W will most likely distance again.

BUT someone has to knock the first domino over surely, and W doesn't show her emotions or position until the other has (i.e. me). This has always been the case, but would like it to change, but can not control that. I can influence it though I suppose, just by NOT pursuing!! Thus making the distance'r change stance and pursue!


I know, I know.........

No pursuing...............
W has to be the one to bring up reconciliation, and a cunning plan..................

Don't think that is going to happen, D hear I come...................


Me - 37
W - 38
D - 14
S - 12
Together - 16
Married - 12
Bomb - April 13, 2011
W moved out - May 13, 2011

The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL Man #2170894 07/24/11 07:18 PM
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No point in 2x4 s

D14 asked w to come to bbq which we did not have planned LOL

D14 asked me to ask w about us, as she told me she wanted us back together. Arrrh

W accepted D14s invite, and was here a couple of hours


Very lengthy R talks, but basically got loads of info out for both of us, and I think the thing what shouts loudest to me is that w didn't know my ll, which was as I thought, shows that we just lost touch with each others needs, very sad.

The talk was good though as we finally got everything out. We both said we can see the changes in each other etc, and both agreed we were both unhappy.

Also said things could be different in a new relationship. W said she could see that but was not what e wanted.

W finished up talking about the house etc, which I replied that I would not facilitate things, w had to do that, but its not what I want, bit would not stand in the way.

Needed to get my head clear in one way or another after the info I had received in the last week, esp from D14

Actually don't feel too bad, sad yes, upset/gutted no, quite strange really.

If that is what W wants, so be it, but I will not help her, w needs to facilitate things.

Just sad

As others say, with a leep of faith it could be so different

But

It is what it is, and will be what it will be

Whatever happens next, I can handle it. I have learnt so much about Mr due to this that I wouldn't have learnt otherwise, and am still learning and jot the new finished article just yet..........


Me - 37
W - 38
D - 14
S - 12
Together - 16
Married - 12
Bomb - April 13, 2011
W moved out - May 13, 2011

The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL Man #2170896 07/24/11 07:39 PM
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I guess it was worth the risk... does sux0r, though...

I know there's no magic answer, but I wonder what it takes for the WAS who "claims" they are unhappy, to want to be happy trying to work things out...

but then again, the word "unhappy" may not mean they are unhappy being without the LBS... more likely just means... they are "unhappy"...

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