Anyhow D14 text w back saying " why ask to come then, brothers family could have come with us"
2hrs later w text D14 back saying next time
After W's email last week I didn't mention it, even on Sunday when she dropped the kids off. Maybe she was hoping I would bring it up and kind off ask her..........
We had a good time as usual though, need lots more practice LOL
Just going to carry on moving forward........
Not sure whether to go full no contact or just stay dark
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Clock Radio went off with a JLS song this morning, and now its stuck in my head, words where:
Lets get back together We should have never split up Its telling me that my heart wont beat again, beat again, beat again
After last night, kind of has a bad ring to it.
I have been speaking to an old colleague regularly over the last few days and weeks, who has just split up with her H (She was the one to leave) and she has been a great help also. I have explained my sit in detail and what W has been saying and doing, and she too says W seems to be very confused.
Annoyed last night as W specifically asked to come, and then not show up. It was my brothers 40th birthday (although the party was last week) and he and his family wanted to come along, but I thought it wouldn't be a good idea if W was coming!
I had no expectations for last night, even after the signs in the last week, but I did expect her to turn up.
W has told me she works later when she doesn't have the kids so most likely the truth. W always looked forward to getting home before the S, so shows she doesn't have much else going on and doesn't want to go back to an empty flat. All her friends are married etc so doesn't go out much. Not a vision of a better happier life IMHO, which she sees I am getting on with (to an extent)
After last Sunday W seemed to have done a lot of thinking, obviously some more needed, but that's her journey.
The last couple of weeks had been positive for me in moving forward, but the last week has kind of halted that progress, need to get back on it.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Advice needed, I think I have opened a can of worms
W emailed me lunchtime to say hi and to ask for more dates to swap for the kids due to work.
This is for W to go into Europe and set some stuff up, and would be great for her.
Background About 2 years ago in an argument W said that she resented my career and that she didn’t have one. So over the past couple of years wife has progressed this with my full support.
One job was hell for her, was in tears most days and left within a month, but I supported her through it as families do. She then took another job in another town and travelled daily, but after a year the driving got too much for her (she became very tired and irritable etc) so she got a job in our town, this has turned out to be her dream job and has progressed in the short time W has been there. I have always been supportive and acknowledged this with W.
Anyway
I sent her the following reply by email
Hi just in car now so can not reply, just put phone on charge (it did actually go out of charge)
Should be OK, need to check, but
I think we need to talk
W replied straight back with
What do you want to talk about? I can call you at 4.30pm in the car
I picked up this reply at 3.50pm, and then W called me at 3.51pm (she couldn’t wait till 4.30pm) and conversation like in the next post:
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
W - Hi, is everything OK M - Yeah fine thanks W – What did you want to talk to me about M – W, I dont really want to talk over the phone, I would rather talk face to face W – Is everything OK? M – Everything is fine, but I don’t want to talk whilst driving, plus I would rather talk to you in person W – I am really worried now, can you not tell me now M – Sorry, Its hard to concentrate in the car, what time will you finish having your hair done tonight, we could talk then
W – about 7.30/8.00 M – Ohh sorry, I am going out at 7.30pm and won’t be back till 9.30, so will talk on Sunday W – I don’t want to wait until Sunday, I am really worried now, you know what I am like, can you tell me now M – Sorry, I am on the motorway and it is difficult to concentrate W – Can you call me when you get back tonight then M – OK
Within the next half hour I have received two missed calls and a vm from W saying
Hi, don’t know if you can cancel your plans tonight to let me know what you want to talk about, or you can phone me, I don’t know if I will have the time on Sunday to talk face to face, OK, let me know, bye.
Now W is collecting the kids Sunday, so she will have loads of time.
Now thoughts on that convo, IDK, I told her everything was fine and sounded happy, so I can only think she is worried what I am going to say about us, maybe W thinks I am going to tell her I have a girlfriend, IDK
After not turning up for bowling and saying I didn’t remind her I think (and a couple of people have said the same) that she was messing me about and trying to get me to ask her to come (i.e. me chase her) so I have been wanting to contact W today, but have resisted, and carried on the path I have been going down……… until this
All I am looking to say is that
whilst I have always supported her in the last few years with her career, I meant what I said a couple of months ago. Basically I want to say that she has chosen this path we are on and that we are no longer a partnership, working for each other’s best interests and looking out and helping one another.
I have no problem taking the kids at any opportunity, but I want to be strong in that we are not a partnership anymore, she has to find her own way now. That is not being nasty or angry, just facts!
Has this now built up into overkill, in that this is all I was going to say?
Should I cancel the call, and say doesn’t matter etc?
Can of worms!!!!!!!
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
well, what is the reason you cant tell her what the reason is?
I must have missed something in your post.
dont be the boy who cried wolf. dont make a big deal out of nothing.
is it about taking care of the kids while she goes on her way?
for me, as far as kid time, i'll take every minute i can. my x is on her own path, and if her path means more time with my d, then that's a great path for her. if it means less time for me, then that's a bad path.
tell me, i cant wait till sunday either.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
The way I see it, your W is going to obsess over this until you talk to her. I agree with Ken's sentiment, if you said you are going to talk then you should talk.
Originally Posted By: GAL Man
All I am looking to say is that
whilst I have always supported her in the last few years with her career, I meant what I said a couple of months ago. Basically I want to say that she has chosen this path we are on and that we are no longer a partnership, working for each other’s best interests and looking out and helping one another.
I have no problem taking the kids at any opportunity, but I want to be strong in that we are not a partnership anymore, she has to find her own way now. That is not being nasty or angry, just facts!
Yeah, you might have open up that can of worms. Can you state this in a way that *doesn't* come across nasty or angry? Can you keep your emotions in check?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
As I said, I welcome any oppertunity to have the kids, but I just wanted to say about us not being a parntership anymore, looking out for each other and helping each other.....
I didn't want to talk in the car as I was doing 80mph, noise was loud and needed to concentrate, thus said I would rather talk in person.
Its was just W's reaction, that she was so worried, called me straight away and then another two times, and I said to her a few times that everything was fine and sounded happy.
I suppose I have the information in my head which D14 has been telling me, like W is constantly asking if I have a gf, plus saying she didn't know where the kids would be at Christmas, depending if we arnt together. W knows full well which week the kids fall on and where they would be...
I am thinking what is W thinking I am going to tell her!
I will call her later and just tell her, its is no biggy!
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
I don't think there's much to be gained by sticking to some kind of rules about when to talk and where.
It's sets you up for this kind of thing.
Now's she going to be pissed at you either way. Because it was no big deal, or because you turned a kid issue into a relationship issue.
Why is now the time to hash this stuff out anyway?
You must resist the urge to "finalize" things, or "clear the air." Usually that means we want to push some kind of final answer or solution. Most issues, like this one, are cleared up simply by saying no when her request doesn't fit your plans.
Think about this.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
