I feel the EXACT same way. Of course we are at different points, but it was a large reason why I freaked out last year.
I think that...too much...about how her work is more important. The other night during out discussion my W tells me how tired she is all the time and how she'd just like to go to bed at 9:30 every night. Yet last night she stays late at work...until 10:30. Like she can skip spending time with me, but she cant' do the same for her job. (assuming we were back 100%) She answers work emails, texts, phone calls very timely while mine get put on the back burner. She puts a lot of her effort into her work. And it does have a cost with her family.
I had a talk with my FIL about this, because he's kinda like your W with my MIL. She hates is as much as we do. He kinda said he regrets working so much when he was our age. He said thee is time with his kids he will never get back. I think he does have some regret, but it seems his daughter (My W) is just repeating it.
Of course when I talked to my W about this she said something like 'Maybe you should have married a cashier."
I don't really think our Ws know that when they do this they make us feel unimportant. The thing is I'm wouldn't asking her for a lot. Just something to show I'm important. You need that to.
But, the things is..their work is important. No offense to widget makers, but they aren't making widgets. They are working on improving peoples lives and in some cases saving them. That is no short order and has a huge cost. It's emotionally draining and not something you can really take a break from. I can leave my work at work, my W or your W can't.
the question is how you deal with it. I'm not saying you accept everything and just be miserable. Your W has to change, but you have to decide what will be acceptable to you or how you can change your perception.
It's tough.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
