Thanks so much cat, for the welcome and for pointing me toward some helpful posts. I will be sure to read them.
You are right, I guess I left out some details. I'll try to give the condensed version here.
H and I separated 13 years ago for a full year when I discovered he was having a PA. I filed for D at that time. I was counseling with my church and at the 11th hour H asked to start counseling as well, both alone and together. He ended things with OW and actually changed jobs to start new and distance himself from that life. D was off and eventually he did move back home. Thankfully the kids don't remember much of that time at all.
Over the years we had ups and downs, like most marriages. Finances, kids, job stress, etc. About a year ago we did hit a financial rough spot and he chose to sell something that meant a lot to him to help the family. In April of this year he told me that he was unhappy with his life and wanted more but didn't know what that was. He has started to go to the gym and taken up running.
Prior to DB I was trying to discuss relationship with him due to that statement, and the more I would talk the more he would pull away (obviously). He wasn't making eye contact and was visibily irritated. Never stopped saying ILY but it felt different. We were arguing quite a bit during this time. The kids felt the tension and even witnessed an argument or two which I regretted. I told him that I won't do that in front of the kids again, he agreed.
Since I have been DB he has seemed more relaxed. I guess the pressure is off, and he feels it.
I know I probably missed some things. I'm happy to answer questions if I did. I like the support that everyone gives one another here, and I hope to be able to support you all as well.
