H went out with a friend last night, had dinner at friends house. He is house sitting for him while he is on vacation and wanted to know which plants to water, etc. They had dinner and caught up. I didn't ask for those details, they were offered to me. Got a call (which went to voicemail) and a text on his way there last night.
I was sleeping when he got home last night, but this morning he seemed happy to see me. Offered a few details of his night and for the first time in a long time asked about my night.
Today I am choosing to have a good day, and it is a choice. I am focused on me and my sons. In the process of trying to find a new church home, which is proving to be more difficult than I thought. I have tried a few, and didn't feel like they were right for me. I hope I am able to find something soon, preferably one that has midweek services as well.
Heading to the gym after work today, and still trying to decide what to do beyond that. It is so hot outside which really limits activity. It is going to go over 100 today
Tomorrow I am taking S17 to another college visit/tour, which I am really looking forward to. Ironically I am also looking into taking a class at our local community college, just one class at a time. I've always wanted to do this, and there is no time like the present. It will allow me to meet some new people too, which is a bonus.
Thanks so much cat, for the welcome and for pointing me toward some helpful posts. I will be sure to read them.
You are right, I guess I left out some details. I'll try to give the condensed version here.
H and I separated 13 years ago for a full year when I discovered he was having a PA. I filed for D at that time. I was counseling with my church and at the 11th hour H asked to start counseling as well, both alone and together. He ended things with OW and actually changed jobs to start new and distance himself from that life. D was off and eventually he did move back home. Thankfully the kids don't remember much of that time at all.
Over the years we had ups and downs, like most marriages. Finances, kids, job stress, etc. About a year ago we did hit a financial rough spot and he chose to sell something that meant a lot to him to help the family. In April of this year he told me that he was unhappy with his life and wanted more but didn't know what that was. He has started to go to the gym and taken up running.
Prior to DB I was trying to discuss relationship with him due to that statement, and the more I would talk the more he would pull away (obviously). He wasn't making eye contact and was visibily irritated. Never stopped saying ILY but it felt different. We were arguing quite a bit during this time. The kids felt the tension and even witnessed an argument or two which I regretted. I told him that I won't do that in front of the kids again, he agreed.
Since I have been DB he has seemed more relaxed. I guess the pressure is off, and he feels it.
I know I probably missed some things. I'm happy to answer questions if I did. I like the support that everyone gives one another here, and I hope to be able to support you all as well.
Well I had my call with DB coach this morning and she helped me prepare for the relationship talk that he wants to have this weekend. I feel relieved and ready where before I felt nervous. I guess a big part of it has been the fact that I have been detaching, it really does help a lot. One day at a time but for today I have some peace.
I seem to get lost on page 5 or beyond, but will continue to post and journal. It really does seem to help. Reading and responding to others does as well, even if it is just to offer support. I don't feel strong enough in DB to really offer advice to anyone.
Had my call with DB coach last week and it went well. The talk that H planned to have last weekend never happened. I am not totally shocked I of course didn't bring anything up either.
Lots of ups and downs, emotions change hourly some days. I just try to keep it in check and continue to GAL. I joined a kickboxing class and really love it. It is 2 days per week. In between I enjoy just going to the fitness room. Trying to do 5 days a week, and it really does reduce my stress levels. I feel happier.
The other day H said that he really likes the changes I have been making and he notices. He said that I have inspired him to make changes also (not sure what and sure can't ask, just have to assume the best). He said "i really like the new you". Not reading into anything and just continuing to GAL.
He has plans with friends this weekend, and in the past I would have stayed home, but will be making plans and enjoying the weekend. Kids are both gone so I can really do whatever I want, kind of nice feeling
