Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[♪CS♪]

I feel silly sometimes because I'm nowhere near as far along in my process as many of the DBers on the board

You just started! Look at the timelines on this board. This takes TIME.

My ego is hurt too

Understandable. So, don't identify yourself with your ego.

people that have been apart of our lives will be looking at me as if I did something.

You are not your ego, and you are also not what people think of you.

I find myself looking back on this process and wondering

The past only has the power we give it. It has no power of it's own.

I guess I'm just hearing her voice in my head telling me "every time I got ready to or thought about coming back...." - essentially she blames me for the reason why she can't turn around. First it was me talking to people. Then it was because I wrote a letter trying to draw a line in the sand. Then it was the money. It's always one thing after the next.

It is bad enough to listen to our own voice in our head. Don't listen to hers.

I guess I had a small victory today though. I refrained from messaging her. Gotta start somewhere I guess.

Good start.

Look, this is only my opinion. And I admit, it has changed a lot over the course of my own journey.

You cannot even really begin this process until you really let yourself accept the facts, and then let yourself look at them for what they are.

Don't "dwell," but understand. Accept what is.

Then, you are in a position to act with sound mind.

To be more blunt for a minute, the texts, the friendliness, the telling her this, telling her that, it will not help. She in an active A. That just is. That is acceptance.

Let me ask you this, if you were having an active A, and your W knew. How would you perceive your actions if the roles were reversed?

What would you consider to be strong and confident?

True love can be shown in many different ways. Trying to change her mind through 'antics' does not show true love. It shows insecurity, lack of acceptance, lack of confidence, etc, etc.

I believe you do really love this women, that is why I think most of us are here. What we often learn though, is a very different way in expressing it.

There is a powerful part in DR, and I am going to paraphrase and I am sure butcher it, but here I go.

The part talks about becoming ourselves again. That this depression, this sorrow, this insecurity, this is NOT us. This is reacting to a situation. This is because we are attached to the situation, but it is not US.

So, I guess to summarize this post that I never expected to be so long.

Find yourself again. That is the first step. You can not improve YOU. Until you find YOU.