I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

I'm well ahead of where I was last year and I think -- hope -- I'll be really a lot farther along next year.

A little part of today is that right now I'm more concerned about D12. In my mind, she's the one that needs the help more. She has the teen angst coming on, plus the D is hitting her harder and she's heading into a new school.

XW refuses to believe that the D is playing any part in D12's issues. She said that D12 says she's upset about the D because "that's what you want to hear."

Wii, I had decided that I would take them to the appointment and waited for XW to get there. Instead, she got off early, but I drew the line in my head at going with her to the meeting.

When it comes to XW's work, I still help when I can because that's the most important thing in the world to her -- and I need her on my good side for switching because of all my part-time jobs.

Now, if she asks me to adjust because of a social thing or her family, I've tended to say no.

Baby steps.

She texted back asking what night WOULD be good for me for D8's next appointment. I said Tuesday or Thursday so it looks like she is going to set one up that I'll have to go to.

If that happens, the next baby step will be, OK, I'll go, but I'm speaking to the doctor alone.

Part of it is we have a toxic relationship. It's not like when I see her I think, boy it was nice to see XW. I'm glad to see she's doing well.

When I see her, all of the emotions I'm trying to conquer fly back to the surface and she just can't win with me. If she's a b*tch, then I'm mad she's acting that way. If she's nice, I'm bitter she's cake-eating. The only thing I want to hear her say is "I was wrong."

So a meeting with the psychologist, ex-wife and me would be counter productive at this time. I still don't trust the psychologist. I need to do that first.

So much goes into every day. With that mini drama playing out, I have been messaging back and forth with a couple of Match women.

One lives in a town 20 minutes south. She's a teacher with four kids all D8's age or younger. I am not all that interested, but she's going to sign up for the divorce class at my church and I'm a table leader so we've been kind of comparing stories.

The second one also is a teacher, lives in my town, is very pretty. We've exchanged several and -- since I don't know how these online things are supposed to progress -- tonight I asked her out.

She likes movies and mentioned Crazy Stupid Love. It opens next Friday and I'm free next weekend so I asked her if she'd like to go together.

I like everything about her profile except that she's a conservative. I'm a liberal. My three best friends are conservatives. We stay friends by not discussing it.

I'm jumping ahead already. First things first. Will she accept the offer?

Tomorrow, I will send Church_31 a text. I haven't texted her since July 3 because I got the hint that she didn't think of me the way I was thinking of her. Still, it's wrong of me to entirely cut off communication. I'll check in on how she's doing.

The big birthday party is coming up Saturday. D8 is pretty excited. I'm a little worried about how I'm going to keep these girls occupied from 1 p.m. until whenever they nod off.