Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[MadeToSucceed]

Not doing too well tonight. I feel silly sometimes because I'm nowhere near as far along in my process as many of the DBers on the board. I feel like I'm just complaining. It's hard for me to understand how my W has been able to just keep on trucking along and smiling for pictures to update on her statuses and stuff and here I am in complete shambles. My ego is hurt too because I know she's just telling people who ask about us that we're going through a divorce and of course she leaves the part out about what she's doing out.

I talked to a friend the other day who was wondering what was going on and he was honest with me that he really felt at first glance that I had done something. It just [censored] that people that have been apart of our lives will be looking at me as if I did something. She chooses to leave as many people in the dark with this whole thing as possible. I think she honestly thought it was just going to be a quick process to get me out of her life and she'd just get to keep it moving. Now it's like she expects me to keep her secret or something and when bits of the situation starts to come out, she blames me for people knowing.

I find myself looking back on this process and wondering if I messed up talking to anyone about it (initially I was just trying to find help from anyone that could send it my way) and she even has me wondering if I made a mistake taking money from one of our accounts when I realized she was shutting me off from them. I guess I'm just hearing her voice in my head telling me "every time I got ready to or thought about coming back...." - essentially she blames me for the reason why she can't turn around. First it was me talking to people. Then it was because I wrote a letter trying to draw a line in the sand. Then it was the money. It's always one thing after the next.

I guess I had a small victory today though. I refrained from messaging her. Gotta start somewhere I guess.