I'm off to see The Wizard

[~¤DG¤~]

DG - It's somehow worse when they hurt the kids. At least my pain I know I had a part in - I'm responsible for the part I played in creating a marriage that he wanted to leave/cheat on. But my S hasn't done anything - it hurts me so much more to see him paying for the mistakes H & I have made/are making.

I couldn't agree with you more.

He did text me back telling me that he will give me money towards our cell phone bill, but didn't mention anything about picking up his things.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Another night of H haunting my dreams.
In this dream, we are happy, we are in love.
Waking up and realizing the reality makes me feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

I keep reminding myself that it is in God's hands......

[LearningPatience]

So sorry DG

For a while I had dreams like that. They went away after a while, for better or worse.

Hang in there!

[Chances]

I'm so sorry DG. Sometimes I wish we had more control over our dreams

[jbnati]

DG, I'm sorry. Those dreams are tough regardless of whether it's a good dream or a bad dream. You're right - it's in God's hands. I just I knew where He was taking us sometimes.

I hope your S10 is doing okay today.

[a girl]

Those dreams are awful. ((hugs))

[Seminolewind]

Keep your head up DG, it does get better and you do need to remember everyone involved is hurting, even your H, just be strong for your S and yourself. Life has a funny way of making things happen when we least expect. Live without expectations and watch the bounty that you will recieve. I also always expect the worst and well I usually fair just a little better than that. That helps stop some of the dissapointing things from controlling your life.

I have had that punch in the stomache a few times and after a while you get kind of sick of not being able to punch back. Just take care of yourself and leave the rest to faith. You might be surprised how you start to feel.

[~¤DG¤~]

It just keeps getting better....

I rec'd 2 wedding invitations in the mail today. One addressed to only me, and the other addressed to both of us. The one sent to me knows that H & I separated and the other couple doesn't.
Both weddings are on the same day, so maybe I should go to the wedding that only I was invited to, and have H go to the other one.

[Telemark]

Sounds like a plan to me!

[~¤DG¤~]

Today is hard for me. Very hard.

I know why too. Because stupid me went and looked online at our cell bill and saw he was texting someone pretty much all night long last night and I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth.

I know, I went looking for trouble and I found it.
I was doing so well, and I just....relapsed.
It reminds me why I stopped doing it in the first place, BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!!

I think it's time for me to let go, and pursue a D.
He shows absolutely no interest in wanting to see, speak, or work anything out with me and I can't force him to want to so perhaps it's best for me to just let go and try to pick up the pieces and move on with my life.

After 5 months, I suddenly feel like I'm back at Day # 1.