Wow, it has been a year since the bomb dropped and it has been months since I posted. I was talking to a friend about why I stopped posting and I think it is because I really had my support system in place with certain people that I was close to and I was moving forward. (well, stumbling forward is a better word)
But lately I have been thinking about the DB site and wondering what everyone was up to, and thought that at my 1 year anniversary I would reflect...
* H moved in with OW * House is up for sale * Divorce should be final beginning of Sept. * Had to give away my golden retriever to my siser-in-law because I won't be able to rent a place with 2 big dogs * still great friends with my STBXH * trying really really hard to forgive OW so I don't live with hate in my heart * enjoying the new closeness I have with my Ds * enjoying my career again * embrasing my loneliness (hardest part right now) * 1/2 of me really looking forward to my new path in life * 1/2 of me still grieving the loss of my "old" life * loving the fact that I am financially independent * encouraging friends and family to forgive H * trying really really hard to forgive OW so I don't live with hate in my heart - oh wait, I already mentioned this one!lol! can you tell this one is a MAJOR struggle for me?
A year later, life is different. I wouldn't say I am a different person now - just certain things about me have either been enhanced or changed. Take for example, I love harder, I take forgiveness very seriously, I am capable of great understanding and i don't take loved ones for granted. I am more sensitive to those around me who hurt. I have a low threshold for "standing still" - I just want to move forward. I still get sad when new situations with STBXH and OW happen. but I quickly rebound.
I was seeing someone for a while - if you want to call it that. It was an "old love" from the summer after I graduated from HS. we connected on FB (SURPRISE). He lives 5 hours away, so we have gotten together 4 times over the last 4 months. He is broken too bad divorce 2 years ago and he has not done the work on himself to move forward. He is a runner (hates the word "relationship"). wonderful man, but I don't have the patience anymore for someone who can't be in a grown-up relationship. WHY should I?
but I am so thankful to him, because I really think a big part of my journey and my healing has been because of him. I learned that there is more out there than my H. I can love again (I didn't fall in love with him, but I knew I was going to be capable of love again because of him).
Am I done with my journey? hell no. but I am much closer than I was 6 months ago, 3 months ago...Am I still in love with my H? yes, but I am in a place now where I can let him go and not feel like my world is caving in. I really do want happiness for him. I want peace for him. truly.
Divorce doesn't have to be the worse thing my children and I go through in life...and I am the only one that can make that true.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
bad divorce 2 years ago and he has not done the work on himself to move forward. He is a runner (hates the word "relationship"). wonderful man, but I don't have the patience anymore for someone who can't be in a grown-up relationship. WHY should I? 