Dazed and confused...

[lstincali22]

Thanks again Kaffe, good advice. I'll have to think about it a bit more.

I think that with my anniversary being around the corner I am getting caught in the emotions and not feeling very detached. I am thinking about sending my W This letter not sure if its a good idea, any thoughts?

Hello W,

 

First off, I know that no matter what I say or do, you will never feel as if I have forgiven you for the decisions you have made and the actions you have taken. If it’s one thing I feel that I have a solid understanding of, is the fact that everyone makes mistakes. Big or small we have all been there. I cannot hold a mistake you made over you.  As your Husband, a fellow human being and a believer in Our LORD Jesus, it has been necessary for me to come to terms with what occurred, forgive and let go. That does not mean that the pain doesn’t resurface occasionally, but, the pain is something that I must deal with personally with God as my partner; God makes it so much easier to get through these storms of life.

I have forgiven you. I do not, and will not hold any contempt toward you. I know that the actions and words that came in the months following me learning the entire truth have made you feel as if that was not the case. At that time I allowed my emotions to get the best of me I acted out of anger, fear and despair. That is no longer the case.

Along with forgiveness for you I have learned to forgive myself. It took me far too long to really “hear” what you had been trying to tell me all along. I also needed to forgive myself for my part in allowing our marriage to get to where it is today. By no means do I expect to forget the past. It would be wrong for me to even think that it could be possible. I need to remember that the past is there for me to learn from, not something to run and hide from. By forgiving myself it allows me to learn and move forward. 

There were many actions that I took through our relationship that weren’t healthy. You’ve explained so much to me over the past year that was difficult for me to face and take ownership of. I now have a clearer understanding that no matter what the intention were behind my actions, I took those actions without taking your thoughts and desires in to consideration. I made decisions for our family without your input, and in turn that made you feel as if you didn’t matter and that you where not loved. Of all the things that I have done in the past, this is the one I regret the most.

I don’t believe I could ever put into words how valuable I believe you are to me and our family. I feel as if I could spend an eternity attempting to do so, but I would never do it any justice. All I can do is thank you for contributing so much to my life and to our family. The contributions are invaluable and will never be forgotten.

I have come to a point in my journey were I have to completely let go of the past In order for me to continue moving forward.

I have heard you loud and clear, at this point, you have no interest in starting a new relationship with me. Whatever we had in the past is dead and gone. It is but a bitter sweet memory, I will never forget you, or the great times that we shared, but none of that exist any longer.

I believe that I have carried the flame of our old relationship long enough. I need to let it burn out completely in order to move forward and that is what I am attempting with this letter.

I have been spending much of my time searching for a clearer picture of the man I would like to be and the man God intends me to be. The LORD has laid a path before me that I must travel. I have been blessed in having had our paths cross and intertwine for some time now. I couldn’t be the man I am today or, the man I will end up being, without having had experienced all of the things that I have with you.

I’ve told you time and time again that the three greatest gifts I have ever received from another human being have come from you, the love you have shown me and both of the wonderful young men that you brought into my life. For those gifts, I will be eternally grateful. I will move forward with a growing inner peace, in knowing that this is the path I have been blessed with.

As much as I believe that God has put us together for reason, God has also blessed us with free will. You are a strong woman, and God has given you every right to exercise the free will that you have been blessed with. I have attempted for too long now to exercise my will on you; I have tried for too long to tell what is best for US, when you and God are the only ones who know what is best for you. As hard as it has been, I realize that your journey may not include me any longer, only you, with the help of God can decide what is best for you. I now must move forward believing and praying that if it is Gods will that you and I begin anew, it will be done.

Until then, I must bid our old relationship farewell and take with me the lessons I have learned. I don’t know where this path leads, but I am sure that with God’s guidance, the commitment to self improvement that I posses, and the belief that every day is a blessing and a fresh start, I will become the Man, Father and Husband I was meant to be.

I will continue to pray that, if it is his will, one day Our Heavenly Father will bring our family back together. Until then I will pray that you are blessed with all the joy, happiness, love and success that you strive to find.