HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed - PART 2

[AloneAt35]

Minor update: After not being at my best yesterday with Ex-P regarding the 'financial matters' discussion, I emailed him (I never initiate contact but I felt I had to because sorting out my finances is a critical matter) and I asked him if he wouldn't mind that we handle future interactions of this sort via email. I explained that dealing with major financial matters by myself was new to me and that I tended to feel overwhelmed when we talk about it but when things are in writing it is all less confusing and I can look at my budget, think about my responses, and give him better answers, etc. I was also really clear about what bills I thought were my responsibility and what bills that his responsibility.

So, instead of responding in email like I'd hoped and requested, Ex-P called me about 30 seconds after I hit 'send.' When I didn't pick up, he called back 30 seconds after that. Then 30 seconds after that, so I finally picked up.

I don't know why he can't respect my wishes to just do these things in writing. I feel like no matter how I try to control our interactions to make things easier for me, he insists it be by phone.

Then he acted like I was all pitiful and he was saying, "[Nickname] you know I'd never leave you hanging, you know my word is good, you know you can trust me..." I said I hoped he didn't take it the wrong way, but given some things that have occurred, its hard for me to trust him.

Then he wanted to explain/justify OW's actions. For the zillionth time I nicely tried to explain that I didn't care what OW's motivations were for seeking to involve herself in the sale of our home and separation of bills, I just wanted it to stop. And OW wasn't to enter into any more of our discussions. Period.

Then he said bizarre things about how he wants to protect my 'dignity' to OW by showing her that I am financially capable, etc. I asked why I should care what OW thinks of me. He had no answer. I reiterated that we were discussing logistics, not OW.

Then I'd had enough of dealing with crazy man. I nicely told him one final time that his relationship with OW was NOT to enter into any further discussions of the financial logistics of our separation. I asked him if he UNDERSTOOD that. I reiterated that I needed him to AGREE to that. He couldn't understand and just kept saying things like, "Its just that OW doesn't understand why we don't hate each other...she's afraid that we could re-start our relationship so I have to show I'm not being too nice to you." I would always respond with, "Okay, TMI ['too much information'] lets stick to the logistics, not OW."

I still don't think he 'gets' it. Its like he wants to create this bizarre triangle where he is at the apex stirring up unnecessary feelings of dis-ease for all involved. In other words, this whole thing could easily end without drama (separating assets is A LOT harder in a legal divorce) but its as if Ex-P wants to stir the poo and make it harder on me, OW, and himself by making it a three-way debate.

I ended the discussion, he sounded sad that he couldn't get me to understand or engage in a further discussion about OW.

As crazy as the conversation was, at least I was in control of it and in control of my emotions. However, of the 'three' of us, why does it feel like I'm the only one who is able to take the high road and get things done without loads of emotional baggage. After all, shouldn't *I* be the one with the baggage? Its so ironic.