Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient)

[MadeToSucceed]

mgm, man, I feel for you, I really do.

You need to back WAY off.

You're head is spinning, and it will continue to for as long as you try to control the situation.

What is your true motivation behind sending her all the scriptures?

Do you think it will "awaken" her?

I know how hard it is, and I know it will take many times before it sinks in. Just keep getting bits at a time.

For now, until you pull yourself out of the funk, until you start being the man you want to be, it will be extremely painful.

Do whatever you can to treat yourself well right now. Get yourself healthy.

Country,

Thanks for your words. I struggle with the answer to the question you asked me internally. On one hand I feel like it is still my duty as a husband to be a spiritual covering for my wife. On another hand, subconsciously I want her to see my deepened faith and either be "awakened" by it or notice the change within me. I know the latter of those two motivations is definitely not the right way to go about it but I have to be honest and recognize that is partially why I had been doing it. The reason I truly want to always be the case is that I want to provide her encouragement as well during this...if she says her hamstring is sore, I try to find something that will give her some comfort other than the old version of me telling her everything she needs to do to prevent it (one of my flaws: I'm a fixer)...and maybe that is where I'm failing. I still think so much about her feelings because in a sense, I feel like that is my obligation as a husband (at least according to my faith).

It's interesting because I just got back from bible study at my church during my lunch and I came to the realization that spiritually, I haven't truly given my situation to God because I keep on trying to change it. I've said all the right things and my heart is in the right place but I've kept my "hands" on the sitch through my actions. In truth, I thinking "letting go and letting God" is basically LRT. Backing off, not only for my piece of mind but also so that God can actually handle the sitch. I'm not sure how much religious talk is "allowed" on the boards so I don't mean to step on any toes but in all honesty my faith is more important to me than anything now so it is hard for me to NOT speak from that basis.

So I'm now committing to trying to pull myself out of the funk. I plan to use this to kind of vent when I want to reach out and maybe even digitally journal the progression of things but listening to all of your stories and words of wisdom is encouragement that no matter what, I'll be ok. Obviously I want to be ok with my wife but I guess it's just coming to grips with the fact that it simply will not be on my time.