Going N/C wish me perseverance/strength

[Queen_of_Swords]

Woke up feeling really lousy today. So I went back to bed for a couple hours.
I dreamt.
For a very long time I have not dreamt or remembered dreams. My sleep has been shattered too long. Interrupted too easily,difficult to find and not restorative.

Although the days and times I conciously allow myself to think about STBX in any way become fewer, it's clear my subconcious mind is chewing on things.

In my dream STBX had come to pick up our kids at my old childhood home. We fought violently. I remember being pushed up against an exterior wall of my childhood home, telling him to just divorce me already, I was sick of living in a hell where he did not love or care for me, and there were others that would. I remember our kids fighting to protect me.

We've never been in a physical altercation in real life. Funny how it comes out in dreams.

I feel so lonely.