This is going to seem like I'm beating you up a little bit. If you take it that way, I understand, however I'd rather you think about it for a bit instead and not see it as an attack.
I'll start with a little supposition on my part.
Your later life is one of entitlement. You might have been poor and clawed your way up and worked for everything you have. But once there, you don't wait for anything, you no longer have to. You did your time, and you can and are allowed to enjoy this. Its not a bad thing, but it hurts you right now with your wife.
You want a marriage or her to be working on it, she says she can't do that now...so she is denying/defying you; not something that you're used to, I believe.
The other part:
I think you are wallowing. We all hit a 'poor me' aspect. "Why isn't it different? Why can't it be better?"
When we hit this...wall. (running term, right?) We almost don't want to see the good signs. Maybe we cannot.
"Why can't you just let me wallow? Why can't you just tell me this blows and I'm right?"
Maybe you want her to reassure you? Don't do that.
More than enough people, friends and family will tell you to move on to make themselves feel better about you not hurting. But I think you have it in your to suffer through limbo, to suffer through 'the unknown' and that is all it is, not knowing the outcome of you and your wife until one is reached.
Right now? It is not yes lets be married, it is not no...from the words she has said, I feel it is more yes than no.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
