I'm off to see The Wizard

[~¤DG¤~]

My last thread has over 100 posts, so I thought I'd make a new thread and spare the mod having to go in and lock it.

Nothing really new to report. Another day with no contact. Tomorrow marks 5 months that H has been gone. I wish I didn't remember "anniversaries" like this, but I do.
Today I was rather emotional during my C session. I haven't cried in a while, but I let the tears flow because I just miss my H. She asked me what things I missed and I told her.
She reminded me of all the growing I have done during this time, growth that is making me a much better woman. When I started seeing her 6 months ago, I had absolutely no self esteem, and I didn't like who I was. Now, I can say I like who I am, and my esteem is improving. I'll never be able to claim that I'm the cats meow, but I don't want to be that anyway.

The biggest change I've noticed in myself is I am no longer angry. The anger I carried around for years felt like a heaviness inside of me, and I feel a lot lighter. That's about the best way I can describe it.

I'm not very hopeful that my H & I will work through any of this, but I do know that no matter what, one day I'll be happy and at peace with everything. I don't regret this journey I decided to take, not for a second, but I hate the circumstances that brought me here. However, I've learned a heck of a lot about myself along the way, and I'm grateful for that opportunity.

I could sit here and coulda, woulda, shoulda, but I won't. It doesn't change what has already been done and I know beating myself up won't solve or help anything..

I am so grateful for everyone here who has offered me advice and support, or didn't say anything at all and just listened, and kept me in your prayers. I have a lot of great friends in my life, but I feel this place is the only place where I can vent, cry, etc and you totally get it.
I hope one day to be an inspiration to others as so many people have inspired me.

[bboom]

Dgirl, you have come a long way and your progress is evident in your posts. It's a tough road but it gets better over time. Hang in there and keep posting. We are all in this together.

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks bboom, that means a lot.

[AloneAt35]

DG, you are a role model for me. And just so you know, I'm never giving up for you until you are ready to give up. There are two (and honestly so many more) fighting for you and your H.

[~¤DG¤~]

DG, you are a role model for me. And just so you know, I'm never giving up for you until you are ready to give up. There are two (and honestly so many more) fighting for you and your H.

You just made me tear up. Seriously, it warmed my heart.

[a girl]

You are doing awesome. You've been a rock for me the last 2 months - I honestly don't know how I could have made it without your encouragement.

[~¤DG¤~]

My heart is breaking.
S10 told me he really felt like he wanted to send H a text saying he thinks that he is avoiding him.
I asked him what happens if you send it to him and he doesn't answer? What will that mean for him? And he said it means he will move on, and then he burst into tears.

I feel just terrible that he is hurting so much over this. I'm so p*ssed at my H for not being man enough to at least be there for his SS, especially because he said he loved them like they were his own. This makes me want to tell him to F off and leave us alone and come to get the rest of his sh*t.
I'm hoping that he does answer him. If he doesn't, well he's just an ass.

[~¤DG¤~]

5 months today. I never thought we'd be apart this long. I am feeling very down this morning.

[Very Confused]

I'm so sorry DG. I know how difficult these unwanted "anniversaries" can be. There is just no way of forgetting these dates, and I think that is completely normal. Can you do something nice for yourself today? Pamper yourself or do something relaxing? Unfortunately, lots of GAL activities require money or consuming lots of calories, but there are some days that a splurge is in order. Remember that you are an amazing, strong woman that deserves to be treated like a queen! We all deserve that and if it comes from our WAS or someone else in the future, I believe it will happen. You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

[~¤DG¤~]

It would be nice to be able to pamper myself today or splurge on something special, but it's just not in my budget right now.

I took today off of work actually, but I might go in later.
It's so hot out today, supposed to feel like 112 so the day will be spent sitting in the AC for most of the day.