Albuquerque living part 3:Strapped in for the ride

[Albuquerque]

Update,

This last week or so has actually been really good. We went on a short road trip and had a great time. I've become way more patient than I used to be and I think H has had no choice but to become the same way. Therefore, where I think we may have fought at times, we simply don't. H has been struggling with his anxiety issues for some time now. I'm not sure if it's that or just MLC in general or what, but even though he's been home, he hasn't really been taking over some of the "guy" duties that he once had. So I've continued mowing the lawn, taking out the trash etc. Here recently though, it's started bothering him. It's like he's starting to open his eyes and see that I'm doing this stuff. Before, he wouldn't even notice the lawn got mowed. The last time I put the trash out, he got kind of grumpy (with himself not me) and requested that that be HIS job now and that I please not do it. I agreed. However, the next trash day, he slept late, the trash truck came by and it was really frustrating for me to see the trash truck drive away and not do anything. But I kept my part of the bargain. However, when he awoke, I calmly told him that he's put me in a difficult situation. He's requested that only HE do the trash, yet, the trash isn't getting done. I asked him what I should do. He took it well and simply said that he will do better. And he has. The next time, he gathered everything the night before (but then forgot to put it out on the curb!). But the FOLLOWING time, he actually got up, and put it out. And even texted me to let me know since I was already at work. Same with the lawn (although for some reason he only did the front, not the back). So progress albeit, slow.

Our R seems to be a bit deeper lately too. He's seemed way more affectionate and has, on many occasions, thanked me for not giving up on him and telling me I'm pretty great. I'm not sure, but it seems like his anxiety issues are much less lately too. I may be wrong and he may just be doing a better job of hiding them. I may ask him. But it seems like he's starting to realize that he hasn't jumped back into the same marriage. Just the other day, he asked if we could have a fight just so he could see if we can still have one. What he meant by that is that since we are relating to each other on a much different level, our disagreements tend to get talked out rather than fought out. And I think that is continuously surprising him. I told him I wasn't about to fight with him and to get the hell out of my face. JK!

Anyhow, we are getting set to go on a one week cruise. He's been toying with the idea of doing scuba diving but keeps going back to the fact that D isn't certified so he can't go. I keep reminding him that we are allowed to have fun separately. I think that type of thinking has really held him back in a lot of ways and he's struggling with being "allowed" (by himself not by me) to do fun stuff without feeling like he's abandoning us. So it'll be interesting to see how he works that kind of stuff out.

As for my family, my mom finally asked me yesterday if my H had moved back. I simply haven't told anyone. That's how much I DON'T tell my family. But I guess she started to realize that he seemed to be at the house a lot and he has started calling her up more. His move back was pretty shaky and I wasn't sure it would stick. So I didn't bother telling anyone. I guess I feel a little better about it although I still have my moments of doubt. Anyhow, onward and upwards.....