Just trying to sort through feelings here, hope you understand.
Finding I'm caring less about STBX. I don't know if it's bad or good. I am getting anxious. I am so tired of things they way they are. I'm lonely, touch and affection starved. Divorce is starting to look attractive.
Why now after so desperately coming here sad, depressed and grieving, hanging on to any thread of hope of restoration?
Is it because I've finished the book "From Abandonment to Healing" and am doing the exercises?
Is it because I feel deserving of someone that actually does want me in their life, finds me attractive and doesn't believe I'm disposable and easily replaced?
Is it because I've accepted and convinced myself he doesn't want me, didn't and doesn't love me, sees me only as our children's mother, to make myself hard and not feel the pain of rejection anymore?
I don't know but at this moment I feel I'm losing my ability to care about my M or STBX. I wish him the best, I wish him healing and health... but do I care like I once did before...not much.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
