mgm... Eventually the crew will get over here and start chatting with you about your sitch.
You've posted a lot and sometimes that can overwhelm people.
I get that we need to vent and get stuff out and that's great. Once you've settled in, posting smaller threads, smaller paragraphs, simple thoughts, one at a time...
This is a slow process, so things can be worked through a thought at a time... It's called a marathon because most often, the only friend you have at the start is time...