had their spouse turn around from the "i love you but i'm not in love with you"? thingy....
Yes grr.
Turned around from the whole I love you but I'm not in love with you thingy. Turned around from the room-mate and love you like a friend. Turned around from the not attracted to you thing too.
But it was not a sharp U turn. It was a long slow turn. That felt more like a straight line most days.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
if so, best straight advice you can give me right now
god, i know its just today and that tomorrow i will feel different, but today i feel .... i don't know, vacant, empty, and dare i say desperate.....yes i said it
Today is not the day you quit. Tomorrow that might change but today is not the day.
repeat that ever day.
I don't see any reason to desperately hold onto a marriage for them, the WAS. There is no love that is so 'needy'. What I believe is that you do all of this, your absolute best, because you made a vow.
Some can argue that since they broke their vows, yours no longer applies. Does being married mean that if they steal you can? If they lie, your free to do so? If they have an affair you can claim one as well, tit for tat, even steven?
Our marriage failed because of both of us. Do not get me wrong, both of us. I failed my wife and she failed me. It wasn't until I realized that I had failed that I got on track, failing once I did not wish to fail again. Was I perfect? No far from it.
But I did not justify my actions by saying she did this, so I can do that. I did not justify my weakness as some sort of blessing because of hers.
I did my best to be stronger than her 'desire', and desire changes.
My vow is what made me see this through. My promise. For better or worse, in sickness...ahhh most of us know the words. They sound pretty when you say them. Still do, and are rock hard to live up to.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Today is not the day you quit. Tomorrow that might change but today is not the day.
thanks for that.......i don't want to quit........but after today, i don't know, it feels a bit pathetic to hang on to someone who has said that to me (i love you but.....) you know the rest
i know alot about me
i know i'm strong, accomplished in my field, funny, and compassionate. i know i'm loyal, kind and sometimes i even think i'm beautiful
these are also things i need to remember as i try not to quit
what can you tell me jack?
what can you tell me to help me move forward and take care of me, so i don't care about him?
i know i'm strong, accomplished in my field, funny, and compassionate. i know i'm loyal, kind and sometimes i even think i'm beautiful
He takes that away from you?
You let him?
No. You are those things without him no matter what happens.
Caring about him does not mean you lose yourself in him.
But care for yourself first.
He is not the reason you exist he is not the sum of you.
He may compliment you; bring out better things in you; but even then...you are capable of doing that all on your own. We all are.
Live for you, and when he sees you, make it so he misses you... This is a tactic. I am not a fan of tactics they feel like tricks; HOWEVER since it happens, when he does see you do you want it to be someone he misses? Or someone he pities?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I struggled with feeling pitiful too. Then I realized I have to look under every bush before I could walk away and not look back.
I read something along time ago that has really helped me. to paraphrase: True love never dies, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.
Taking care of you doesn't mean you don't care about him, you just don't focus on him.
cat, i do love him and i know that what i feel for him is not contingent on what he feels for me
there is some comfort in this (not sure why)
grace, i do feel like i have to leave no stone unturned........unfortunately this lead to a relationship talk yesterday where he once again, told me the.......you know (l love you but......) yuck, i even hate to write it
we did end up laughing about it tho
i said some silly things about how we can save our marriage and we both found them humorous....we hugged and he gave me a small kiss on the lips and i asked "anything?"
"nice try": he said, "but nothing"
i was more joking than anything, but of course, he was not
time to try to rebuild a friendship
time to move on and become the me that i lost somewhere in this marriage
Once long ago, early in our sitch, my H told me that maybe we could go back to being friends and start from here.
I was afraid to start all over, and wanted to just try from where we were. But in the end, I reaized there was nothing to lose, as I had lost it already.
Throw away the old M. Whatever you had before that made him love you is still there, and more.
Don't lose hope, just the expectation.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
