I'm off to see The Wizard

[~¤DG¤~]

My last thread has over 100 posts, so I thought I'd make a new thread and spare the mod having to go in and lock it.

Nothing really new to report. Another day with no contact. Tomorrow marks 5 months that H has been gone. I wish I didn't remember "anniversaries" like this, but I do.
Today I was rather emotional during my C session. I haven't cried in a while, but I let the tears flow because I just miss my H. She asked me what things I missed and I told her.
She reminded me of all the growing I have done during this time, growth that is making me a much better woman. When I started seeing her 6 months ago, I had absolutely no self esteem, and I didn't like who I was. Now, I can say I like who I am, and my esteem is improving. I'll never be able to claim that I'm the cats meow, but I don't want to be that anyway.

The biggest change I've noticed in myself is I am no longer angry. The anger I carried around for years felt like a heaviness inside of me, and I feel a lot lighter. That's about the best way I can describe it.

I'm not very hopeful that my H & I will work through any of this, but I do know that no matter what, one day I'll be happy and at peace with everything. I don't regret this journey I decided to take, not for a second, but I hate the circumstances that brought me here. However, I've learned a heck of a lot about myself along the way, and I'm grateful for that opportunity.

I could sit here and coulda, woulda, shoulda, but I won't. It doesn't change what has already been done and I know beating myself up won't solve or help anything..

I am so grateful for everyone here who has offered me advice and support, or didn't say anything at all and just listened, and kept me in your prayers. I have a lot of great friends in my life, but I feel this place is the only place where I can vent, cry, etc and you totally get it.
I hope one day to be an inspiration to others as so many people have inspired me.