Thanks for understanding A Girl, but aren't I just shooting myself in the foot when I act this way?

If things EVER end with OW, I want to be in the position to at least reconcile our friendship. When I am cold and angry, don't I diminish that likelihood?

Me: 35
Him: 43
Together: 19 1/2 years
1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011
2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011
He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011
He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011