Affair (continued II)

[Bworl]

If you ever bring up your relationship or MC again, you should simply be slapped silly.

Your anxiety is understandable. Not doing something about it, is not. It's a bit ridiculous in my opinion to approach this crisis as though everything hinges on your wife.

I tend to believe much more of it hinges on you.

You seem to be a talker. The problem is that right now you need to be a DO'er.

Needy, mopey, desperate, lonely, and insecure people are not attractive to me, and I think not attractive to most. You have a right to be insecure right now - you've hurt your wife significantly enough that she could choose to end your marriage. That makes us worry.

But you know what?

She's still there. And by your own posts we can see that she does not seem to be in any hurry to sever your relationship. Hurt? Yes. Still bothered by your betrayal? Absolutely. Wondering how she can have a normal marriage with you again? Sure.

But she's still there.

And you've seen glimpses and shared bits that show she is processing and dealing with her feelings, slowly but surely.


I know it's tough. Part of you must think that if you appear too happy go lucky and well adjusted, that she will interpret that as being non-chalant about what you did. I would think that way too.


So you have to find the balance.


And I mentioned being a DO'er instead of a talker. Your wife should get to drive the conversations right now. And even if she STARTS a relationship conversation, you should not take that as an open door to ask your needy questions.


Show her that you are sorry.
Show her that you are changed.
Show her that she is all you ever need.
Show her that your family is the most important thing to you.


SHOW.

Not tell.


Stop interrupting her process with your need.


And if you have need right now, find a way to satisfy your need that doesn't involve seeking out your wife for satisfying that need. (no, I'm not talking about sexual need, just to be clear - though I suppose it fits as well)


You have lots of positive signs that seem to indicate this could be healed and rebuilt.


You know how sometimes you get a little chip on your windshield from a small pebble or something? That chip can stay JUST a chip for some time - more than enough time for it to be repaired. But if you put that windshield under pressure (bumps in the road, hard turns, collisions), that chip is going to turn into a crack that spiders it's way through the entire windshield. You'll wind up replacing that windshield then - it won't be fixable anymore.


Pressure is bad.

Fixing the chip is good.



Blessings,

Bill