I think hitting 100 posts is bad luck or something. Near the end of every posts I think of writing that things are well and even changing the thread name...yet it just doesn't happen. My wife is not WAW anymore, she wants to stay, but we still have too many issues... I'll talk about them later...
As I said before we had tabled our discussions on sex since she had been on a prolonged period. This actually really had helped us and we became much closer together.
I eeven thought we might be piecing. So now that she saw a doc and got her prescription changed I figured I'd start seeing if we could start working on us. Well she said she didn't want to. Well at one point I told her that I was worried that now that her period was over that all the old issues would come back. I wanted to work on us first. I also asked her if she had been thinking about OW's she said yes, but she wasn't sure. I told her I wanted to work on it first per our agreement in the states. She said didn't think it would work for us until she had a chance to be with an OW. Well it led to a day long discussion which was amicable all day until the last hour.
Apparently she she is bitter about the whole strip club incident and threw it in my face a couple of times. It eventually got to the point where she started saying she didn't trust me anymore. (if you guys remember this was because I had changed my mind on allowing her to see OW's). She even went as far as saying that our last agreement of working on us was just me changing my mind again, and that it was further proof that she could never trust me. After much back and forth she announced it was over and wanted a divorce. We stopped talking about 20 mins ago. She says she wants to see JAG tomorrow to arrange it all. I told her if that's what she wanted I would get her the info Sigh.....
Trying to give her some space.... I don't want to lose her I'm so scared. Need to go into major DB mode. Now where are those rules 25 is always posting. Although I'm sure 25 would just say to let her go.
As long as you let her use the threat of D as a weapon agains tyou, g/b, you're forever going to be stuck. "Well, that's still not what I want, but I won't stand in your way" needs to be your standard response to these threats.
Went to check up on her, found her asleep on the couch. Decided to cover Her with some blankets
What can I say I still love her.
I understand. It's why we ALL come here. It's okay to still love her, and to separate yourself from her for a period of time for her to deal with her issues.
Too much pain, all I want is for her to come back from the couch to the bed. I don't want to go through this again. I just want things back to how they were yesterday where it seemed like we were piecing.
I know. I too have done the "crying out to God" thing alone in my bed at night, and even with my wife lying next to me, physically (but our marriage tearing apart).
Then I realized that God wanted me to DO certain things, and not just complain to HIM about it. That's when I started getting my marriage back.
He gave us all free will, g/b. Your wife is on her own path, and it's up to HER to decide whether or not she wants to remain on it, or come back to your marriage. Pining for her isn't going to make her come back (altho -- again -- I DO understand the pain you are feeling).
As you know, I favor making sure that my wife feels loved, but letting her know that she gets to make choices about herself and I get to make choices about myself.
One of the things that really helped me was convincing myself, I ultimately, I am responsible for my own happiness. That is when I was a child I was responsible for amusing myself and keeping myself reasonably happy. If my wife dies before I do, I will also be responsible for my own happiness at the end of my life.
To impose an obligation on my wife to be my source of happiness is not fair to me or her. That thought along with focusing on an active GAL, really helped me.
Good luck to both you and your wife.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Well I woke up a million times hoping she'd be in bed next to me. It didn't happen. Woke up around 7 took a shower, and was pleasantly surprised that she made me eggs. ( for those that remember fancy breakfasts is her way of making a peace offering). She even held them out as if to say "look what I made for you!). I was so grateful I thanked her profusely. Maybe a little too much. I tasted them and even almost burst into tears. I think she noticed my eyes were watery. I finished getting ready and we discussed somethings that had to get done. She asked where the nearest grocery store was and a gave her directions. Told her she could take a cab, she said it was ridiculous for such a short distance. I offered to go get her some coffee she said no that was ok. As I was getting ready she came up to me to straighten my color and button up my top button. I felt so lucky.
I can definitely tell things are still very rough. Need to give her space and not pester her, yet at the same time I need to do little things to show her I still love her. It's a hard mix since too much can be pursuing.
I hate being on the other side of the world since I know the people I have come to depend on for advice are probably in bed right now.
Starsky Yes I was crying out to good last night. I think I might have gotten an ulcer. The only thing that got me through was a Michelle said to think about a stop sign. I can't picturing nothing but stop signs until I passes out.
YAH Going to give her space, but as you have shown me I need to continue a small but steady stream of kind acts so that she knows I care.
