I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

Got an email through Match out of the blue from someone who recognized me at church. I remember her profile, I was interested in her so I responded. She messaged back. We'll see.

I emailed another lady and she responded, but it's not flirty or anything like that.

The night out with friends was very ... interesting. I'll just leave it at that. I was kind of in a bad mood at first, but I loosened up as the night went on.

I stayed out too late though and then played golf and softball in this heat. I have the girls for seven straight days and I'm going to start the week tired.

It's going to be an interesting week. I have no big trips planned. Just us hanging out. It's going to steaming hot so we'll have to do some indoor fun stuff.

One thing I'm trying to do is organize some time away for each. I am going to have some of their friends over Monday. We may invite another group on Wednesday.

Tuesday, I may have D8 spend the day elsewhere so I can just spend time with D12. Thursday, D12 is spending the day at a friend's house so it can just be me and D8.

Saturday is D8's birthday party. She has six girls coming for sure -- swimming, hiking in woods, Wii and movies and ice cream and more swimming and a sleepover.

I know there will be fights and screaming and all kinds of stuff. But it's what D8 wants -- a real slumber party.

Today was the big open house at the old house. I don't think I'm so much upset about losing it for me. Part of me -- the revenge minded one -- wants her to sell and then have to go through downsizing and having nosy neighbors.

But the girls are going to hate it. That house is the only home they've ever known. They are putting up brave faces for XW and telling me their real feelings.

The day they move is going to be one of the toughest in their lives.

[whatisis]

The day they move is going to be one of the toughest in their lives.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

[mishka422]

The day they move is going to be one of the toughest in their lives

Or, depending on how it's handled, it could be the fresh start of a new adventure! Change is not necessarily a bad thing but the emotions of their parents will wear off on them. Keep upbeat and excited about the possibilities involved in moving. It will help them adjust.

[ClingingToHope]

XW took them to a bunch of open houses Sunday and they are excited about their "new" house.

One problem, since XW is selling the house as a short sale she will not qualify for a mortgage for 18 months to two years. And she doesn't have any downpayment money.

She really should be looking at rental houses. She's going to have to rent for a couple of years. She keeps making promises to the girls that she can't keep. But that's because she doesn't know any better. She'll learn, I guess.

Second problem, she actually has to sell the home.

[ClingingToHope]

Advice -- so one of the three women I'm messaging through Match -- all of a sudden there's been some activity -- asks the inevitable question -- so why did you get divorced?

How detailed an answer is she looking for? Anyone who has followed this thread knows I can fill up several screens with the various reasons why.

I'm leaning towards something short like -- "There was no drama. No cheating. No abuse. No abandonment. We hit a rut in life and she wasn't happy and decided I was the reason."

I don't even like that answer. Any opinions?

[whatisis]

How about "f@ck right off...please!" WTH kind of question is that to ask on an initial contact? Ditch her. But then, maybe the ladies out there have a different reaction to this than I do. We'll see.

[kat727]

I thought she cheated. Ok, so maybe she is just asking and in no way trying to be rude. Sometimes we just blurt out questions without thinking. You could go with the pat answer..."We grew apart".

She might be trying to see if you will belittle your ex, see if you are bitter and so yes, she could be testing you. Don't write her off yet.

Kat

[Onthemountaintop]

Be honest, short, and show how much you've grown despite the challenges?

[whatisis]

OK, rather than "she decided I was the problem" say "she decided she would be happier on her own". Sounds better. I still gotta wonder about somebody who throws that question at you so early in a correspondence. IMHO she's either lacking in tact or is pretty fragile.

[ClingingToHope]

I actually put in about three paragraphs about why I'm divorced.

She responded that her ex cheated on her with three other people and she had to divorce him. So obviously she's been burned.

Enjoying my third week of summer vacation with girls. Today, we had a family over swimming. One girl D12's age, boy and girl around D8's age.

Funny thing. The husband was a serial cheater who blew all of their money in strip clubs and on his various girlfriends.

Wife is awesome and pretty and could do better. But she stuck with him and he appears to have his act together and they are sticking it out.

He was asking me about things and I filled him in. I even admitted that I was actually bitter at first that his wife stuck with him and I didn't do any of those things and I'm the one divorced.

But now I'm just happy they stayed together. Divorce [censored].

We had a good day. After they left, we picked up two more of the girls friends and they are staying the night.

Get a text from XW at 9:15 p.m. Turns out D8 has an appointment with her pyschologist at 6 p.m. Wednesday and XW can't get off until 6 p.m. Wednesday.

So I have to drive them to the doctor's office (it's her night to have them) and then wait for her to get there.

I was going to go to plasma center to make a donation -- hey, the $20 will help.

I am considering texting her to say reschedule because I have to be someplace BY 6 p.m. That's when the plasma center closes its doors.

It's not a super big deal, but I am tired of her setting things up so I have to see her. I mean, if I could get away with not seeing her tomorrow I might go a month without seeing her -- and one thing I've realized is I don't miss her.