HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed - PART 2

[AloneAt35]

Thank you everyone. For those of you who think Ex-P will be back...I'll just say that his issues are so huge (issues of the intimacy variety - real biggies) and he 'checked out' so long ago, that now that I look back at it, its hard to see any hope.

I love him so much, we were the best of friends, and I have always had such a strong connection/attraction to him that I want him back more than anything...but it seems impossible that he would ever come back to me because he DIDN'T have those feelings for me for SO LONG (like I've mentioned before, we had a virtually sexless relationship for the last ten years at his choosing - "IT" didn't happen unless I initiated and even then he was often hesitant or rejected me).

Starsky, you are right. I didn't mean to put myself in that situation and I was clear once it started that he had to take his phone calls elsewhere (I suggested he leave at one point) but I should have been MUCH more firm because I still overheard more than I wanted to hear.

As for OW being his affair partner, he claims it isn't so. He claims he met her on a dating site a few days after he told me it was over between us, so the official story is that he wasn't cheating and she isn't an 'affair partner'...Therefore he has no guilt about speaking to her in front of me. Honestly, I don't know WHAT to believe. I'll admit, the story seems so incredulous that many people think I'm a fool to believe it. However, there weren't any signs of an affair until the very end (he got very weird in the last few weeks before dropping the IDLYAM bomb - I have a long, painful post about his behaviors during that period on my old thread). But even trusting his timeline of events, he still continued to sleep in my/our bed even after having been with her (without me knowing of course). After he admitted he'd met someone I said he had to STAY OUT OF MY BED and get a new place to live - which he did. But 'technically' (according to his timeline) he had already said our relationship was over, so he's exonerated from the cheater category.

Yes, my mental health has been bad the past few days. I so hoped that he was moving back towards me. I resisted seeing him when he first made overtures because I didn't want to get hurt, but I told myself that if I didn't take the chance, I'd never know.

Now I know.

I guess he just wanted to see me one last time to say goodbye, as 'friends' of course. I could have lived without that goodbye.

Yes, maybe someday in the future I'll take comfort in the fact that he cared enough about me to cry when he realized he wouldn't be seeing me anymore. Maybe I'll take comfort in the fact that they don't seem to treat each other nearly as decently as we treated each other. But he chose her (and supposedly it was already AFTER he said he didn't want to be with me anymore, which hurts even worse than if it had only been an affair).

Yes, things aren't very good in AA35 world at the present moment. But they've been worse and I always bounce back.