Divorce on the horizon?

[ericmsant2]

Tad,
First I want you to understand one thing. I do not give a rats as* about your W right now (and no I am not insensitive). I really care about you and your emotional health. That said here are my comments.
I am not familiar with your state divorce laws but it seems a little weird to me that they would be two emotionally charged people together in an attempt to resolve issues. IMO, if you need to do this again, I would come prepared with a list…maybe you guys can discuss one topic at a time. I also suggest that you deal with some of the easy issues first. For example maybe the division of personal property should be discussed first. Then I suggest you try and tackle some of the harder issues. Just remember….do not throw yourself on the sword thinking that if you hand her the keys to the castle that she will come out of this.

I'm beginning to wonder if she really is in MLC. Isn't it just possible that she fell out of love with me after 25 years? It does happen right?

Only you can tell if she is in a crisis. Personally, based on what you have posted I think she is.

If it isn't MLC, what should my approach be?

RIGHT NOW your approach should be the same. DETACH DETACH DETACH.

She is still so full of anger and resentment. I've never seen so much hate. I just don't get it.

Can a sane person understand some one that is crazy? Why are you trying to understand what she feels right now? What do you hope to accomplish knowing? Stop looking at her!

She said some pretty interesting things:

Read the MLC resources….this is called “script”. We have all heard this type of stuff. Some of it is verbatium.

"I still loved you when I left. I don't now. You couldn't give me the time I needed."

Why do you think we detach? To give YOU and THEM room to process and deal with the issues that BOTH of you must deal with. Bottom line you deal with YOURS and she will deal with HER. FTR, she will deal with HERS on HER timeline NOT yours.

"OM has nothing to do with this."

THE OM is usually the symptom and not the problem. I am not saying that someone banging someone W is not a problem I am saying that the OM represents usually what they THINK they want.

"I'm not f*cking him. He is just a friend."

Why did she make this statement? Did you ask? What does knowing do for you? Do you think it helps? Do you think it will make you feel better. Yeah I get the….”I need to know” feeling. Guess what it does nothing but hurt you. Question….do you think know WILL HELP BOTH of YOU should either of you try to reconcile? For me, I am sure it would not help knowing the details…at least not NOW.

- "I look at old pictures and it seems like another lifetime."
- "I feel absolutely nothing for you."

Excuse to herself IMO. Stop focusing on everything she is saying to you.

"Your changes are too late."

Funny I read this quote and I remember hearing something similar. At the time I looked at is as a negative….now…what I can tell you is this…..WHY would she make this comment IF SHE DID NOT SEE CHANGES? The fact that she may see changes is a positive. It may not save your M but it is still a positive.

"You don't care that I may not make it on my own if I have to pay child support."
"You're trying to take me to the cleaners."

This is a typical guilt tactic…She wants YOU to feel a certain way.. She may just be banking on you handing everything over and taking the blame for everything. Realize what it is.

I can go on and on and pick apart every quote…but really what is the point. The issue remains that she FEELS the way that she does and NOTHING YOU do can change it…….RIGHT NOW…..
Stop focusing on her man!
Get off the fuc*ing rollercoaster and start looking at YOU.

"I'm not making any sense right now, because I'm spewing out things I don't mean to say."

Does this ^^^^ sound like someone that is sane?

"I told you months ago that we need to build a friendship."

Hmmm…can you see what she is saying with this quote? Can you be her friend….the type of friend to respect HER CHOICES?

"I don't want to delay things because I no longer care."

"I don't want to work things out."

Do her choices impact YOURS? Can you do what you need to do for YOU or what YOU want to do regardless of what she says or does? If not, then why?

Get off the rollercoaster buddy.
Love her enough to let her go….