W and I had our pre-mediation meeting today. We spent three hours together today. Needless to say, we didn't get much resolved. There are things that neither one of us will budge on.
When we first arrived at the coffee shop, we were both a little hostile. Maybe it was because of nervousness. Things settled down, but there were some more hostile moments.
I'm beginning to wonder if she really is in MLC. Isn't it just possible that she fell out of love with me after 25 years? It does happen right? If it isn't MLC, what should my approach be?
She is still so full of anger and resentment. I've never seen so much hate. I just don't get it.
She said some pretty interesting things:
"I still loved you when I left. I don't now. You couldn't give me the time I needed."
"OM has nothing to do with this."
"I'm not f*cking him. He is just a friend."
"I look at old pictures and it seems like another lifetime."
"I feel absolutely nothing for you."
"You don't care that I may not make it on my own if I have to pay child support."
"You're trying to take me to the cleaners."
"I don't want to rehash old sh!t."
"I've looked on the internet. I'm not going through a mid life crisis."
"I just want this done."
"Can't we just agree and get it over with?"
"You haven't changed."
"Your changes are too late."
"You tell me all the stuff I want to here, but it is too late because now I don't care."
"I'm no longer repulsed when I see a picture of you. I was for a while."
"I wanted to settle things today and then have a loving conversation."
"I'm not making any sense right now, because I'm spewing out things I don't mean to say."
"You told me it is impossible to feel love when it is buried by resentment. You should go on Jerry Springer."
"I told you months ago that we need to build a friendship."
"I'm just done with everything."
"All I have in my life is work and school."
"I don't want to delay things because I no longer care."
"I don't want to work things out."
"You always made me feel like I wasn't important enough or dark enough. Whenever you saw a pretty dark woman, I felt that I wasn't dark enough for you."
"You just don't try to understand my feelings."
"You always complained about my weight." (NEVER!)
"You only included me in activities with your friends because you thought you needed too."
"When we decided to renew our vows for our 25th, you should have proposed to me."
"You only want what you can't have."
"I see you have a gorgeous new female FB friend."
"I feel nothing for you. I'm just done."
"You just can't believe that I am done."
"I wanted to work on things when I moved out, but a lot has happened and now I don't want to."
Then there was this which I found interesting:
W: And just so you know, I am not going through a midlife crisis because I read up on it a year ago.
M: A year ago? Why?
W: Because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going through one. I even talked to my doctor about it and she says that I'm not. So I am not going through one.
I don't know guys. Maybe she did just fall out of love. She is so determined NOT to work on things because she "has been trying for so many years."
I just don't see how someone can throw 25 years away. So hard to let her go.
Things were a little hostile when we parted ways today. When we were leaving, I said "Let me know when you want to come get S16 again."
She flipped me the bird.
I told her that is how teenagers act.
She flipped me the bird again.
About 20 minutes after we left, my phone rang:
M: Hello.
W: Hey. I'm sorry.
M: I'm sorry too.
W: I'm sorry. I don't want to go over old stuff. I just want to concentrate on where we are now and things to come in the future.
M: Okay
W: I'm sorry and I'll talk to you later okay?
M: Alright. Bye.
W: Bye.
Maybe I shouldn't, but damn it I LOVE THIS WOMAN. What the f*ck can I do?
Is it possible that she is NOT MLC?
Help please.....
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
