We totally agree. And I think you agree that detachment is one way to accomplish this. Letting Go! Getting on with your life and acting "as if" they are never coming back.
Cadet,
Please don't intentionally edit what I said, and make it out of context. You know full well I followed that with "But there are things I believe we can do to make it a helluva lot harder for them to continue it, and if that helps "prime the pump" to start their recovery, then I put it in the "hey, whatever it takes" category myself."
If you want to disagree with my view, that's fine (reasonable people do), but please stop taking what I post out of context.
Thank you.
Starsky
P.S. Yes, I agree that detachment is key. Rather than "acting as if," however, I'd rather see a betrayed/left-behind spouse REALLY GET to to a place where they ARE emotionally moving on, and there's no "acting" to it. Wayward spouses can smell when it's an act, IMHO.
"Acting as if", DB-wise, is frequently taken out of context. It actually refers to not projecting negative thoughts:
Quote:
Problems often arise in relationships because people think they can predict the future. "I know just how my wife will respond when I tell her I'm going out," or "Steve will undoubtedly fly off the handle when my parents come for dinner." The problem with predicting dire outcomes in the future is that, whether we know it or not, we begin acting in certain ways that broadcast our expectations to our partners, and these subtle signals often bring about the very results we fear." (Divorce Remedy, p. 111)
