IF YOU STILL LOVE YOUR W which I will assume you do......
Then when she asks why you are choosing not to be around her you can simply say.....
" W while I do still love you, I can not be around you nor communicate with you while you are involved in behaviors 1,2,3,4...., it hurts me and our family. When you stop behaviors 1,2,3,4...., I will be glad to sit down with you to discuss the possibility of having a relationship with you and what that would entail."
See, I'm FINE with that. I guess I consider that to be "fighting the affair" (or at least not making it easy on them), and it's NOT just giving in to a "whatever will be, will be" attitude. You ARE fighting it, only with different weapons (withholding your day-to-day comfort and emotional support).
It's almost like an "aggressive passivity"? Or a "tactical detachment"? I'm having a hard time expressing it, but there are a myriad of ways to fight infidelity -- not just exposure, intervention, etc. And while I do believe in some of those things, I also see value in the type of stance that MHL lays out here.
