It is only a reason it is happening, an explaination.....
If the explaination helps you......great.....
IF not.....so be it.
The Question is.........DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE???
DO YOU LOVE HER EVEN WHEN SHE IS NOT LOVING YOU BACK????
DO YOU LOVE HER ENOUGH THAT IF AND WHEN SHE STOPS HER NON-LOVING BEHAVIOR YOU WILL BE WILLING TO BUILD SOMETHING NEW???
If the presence of MLC helps you to this end then great......
if not.....so be it.
I have watched this debate rage on and I really don't understand why.....
The actions are the same......
I suppose the difference is where the motivation comes from....
The man-up, have a little self respect attitude might foster some anger or come across as coming from a place of anger which will sabotage any possible reconciliation effort and additionally will mess up the LBSer for a very long time.
Now with that being said, "If it motivates you to do the right thing then I will endorse it, however the internal work gets a little harder and additionally any anger that is sparked may come through and be preceived by the MLCer/WAS.
I don't think that by looking at what the person in crisis is going through and why, hurts the situation.....however I will also admit that some "get stuck" watching the train wreck......some get stuck for years, unfortunately.
That is why again the advice is UNIVERSAL........
LOOK AWAY......
DO NOT ENGAGE.....
FOCUS ON YOU......
That is the first step in almost ever situation where infidelity is involved...........
and if the infidelity is active.......the advice is more salient.
Bobby,
I am sooo sorry you are back here too. Who know what is going on with your W.......I would definitely say that your W has some really deep issues......YOU CAN NOT FIX HER.
PROTECT YOURSELF....PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, LEGALLY, and FINANCIALLY.
PROTECT YOUR KIDS ALSO in the same ways.
IF YOU STILL LOVE YOUR W which I will assume you do......
Then when she asks why you are choosing not to be around her you can simply say.....
" W while I do still love you, I can not be around you nor communicate with you while you are involved in behaviors 1,2,3,4...., it hurts me and our family. When you stop behaviors 1,2,3,4...., I will be glad to sit down with you to discuss the possibility of having a relationship with you and what that would entail."
Less is more here.
Actually Less is always more.......
usually the person that talks more in most interactions, takes away less from the interaction......make sense???
Hope this gives you some direction.......there is so much more, it will take TIME......that is the other UNIVERSAL thing in all situations.........it takes a VERY LONG TIME.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
