They want us to try to settle things before the actual mediation.
Good luck with this. In my case, my STBXW will only settle IF her attny or she decided to. Dude, I can you some interesting stories about this but really they do not matter. Here is what I would suggest…..as hard as it is, take a few days to think about what YOU want (assume a life without your w)….write it down. Be fair and be just but please do not be an idiot. Do not think that handing over the keys to farm will bring her back. Write it down man…write it down.
Quote:
I've made up my mind that I am not giving her some of the info that she requested. It is none of her business.
Dude this ^^^^ sounds angry and that’s okay man…it really is. What YOU do not want to do is come across as someone that is going to be difficult. Is your mediation with the both of you in the room? Provide what your mediator ask for – as for her…well if she wants something she can ask the mediator. You do not have to answer her, give in to her, nor do you need to be a di*k….nope, just be truthful and honest. Be the man you want to be…..
Let me ask you a question….
Who do your kids want to live with?
What is best for your children?
What is best for YOU?
The answer to those question should dictate what you do.
Stop being afraid to face her, Stop being afraid of what she is going to do. This is YOUR life and YOUR kids life. Do for them and YOU. Honestly…dude…Let her go and let her hang herself.
Ya know, we often try and save them, we try and rescue them. We carry the blame for the entire failure. We beg, plead, cry, make excuses for them. Tad, you do not have to. She is grown women and capable of making her own choices. You are a grown man capable of making your choice. The challenge will be IMO, is the line between the anger and do the right thing. The line between trying to “make her pay” and doing what is really in the best interest of the children. It is a tough line to walk sometimes but walk it you must. For you, for your kids and believe it or not for HER.
Quote:
W made comment to S16 "Looks like your dad doesn't feel like talking."
Stick and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Fuc* what she says. [censored] mine has said a ton of chit. Do you think it matters..
You know Tad, I want you to consider one thing…..”someone perception is their reality”.
Her perception is HER reality. It is that simple. She feels the way that she feels right, wrong or indifferent. You feel the way that you feel right, wrong or indifferent.
Do you think that you can change her perception?
Quote:
She also made the comment to him that my haircut looked nice.
Mine actually told me I looked great with the weight loss….the very next day she was on the phone with OM in front of me. FTR, to this day she has not acknowledged that she has another man. I kid you not. Tell ya man, ya can’t make this chit up. My point, stop worrying about what she says. Look at yourself.
Quote:
S16 confirmed that she is still talking to OM, but I still get the feeling that it has cooled down.
DO NOT ASK YOUR KIDS TO SPY….and if ya tell me that you’re not…good. IF they bring it up, unless it is in the context of how THEY feel you should stop them and tell them that you do not need to hear it. Be a light to them Tad. Be a strong man to them Tad. Show them the way. I suspect that you want to know….I suspect that YOU feel (your perception) that if OM is not in the picture that she will move towards you. Maybe you are right….BUT what if you are wrong….what if she moves from this OM to another. How will feel? So ask yourself do you really want to know. I struggled with this for a long time. A long time. Do you really want to know? Let me give you some examples….(I say this not to hurt you but to make you think)….
Would you really want to hear things like….he is a better lover, he is more “in tune” with how she feels, he’s packing one hell of a package. Com’on man…you do not need to hear this…AND I am not suggesting that this is what she is feeling, thinking or even saying. I say this so that you hopefully realize the damage that YOU cause yourself. That’s right YOU. You ask or imply, or subtly ask….and you will feel the pain buddy. So please don’t ask.
Quote:
I am convinced that she has totally lost her mind. I'm also convinced that I may be in the process of losing mine from this whole mess.
Can you stop her from losing hers? Pssst….the answer is a two letter word that starts with an N and ends with an O. You can thought STOP yourself from losing YOUR mind.
Quote:
Eric, It was very nice talking to you man. I appreciate you taking the time buddy. Wish I could get to the place you are at. Hopefully someday.
NO problem dude…anytime. I am actually just a regular dude…..no different than you man. Just a guy trying to be happing in life. I have my struggles to…but I finally got tired of feeling like chit and started to live my life for me. You can do it….it take one act…..just one…
Wake up tomorrow and say…..this is my life and I’m taking it back. I love her….but I cannot live this way…it is not good for me or my kids.
One act Tad….
Quote:
As for your wife, they sometimes drop comments/statements on to others, i.e., hoping that they will get back to you. It's to get a reaction from you and to string you along.
BINGO!....String you along…. Do you want to be that man...
Quote:
They can' face that guilt right now. Some will later on and others will remain forever in crisis or a pod person.
Read this Tad….over and over again…..
Tad,
You said earlier you wanted to get to the place where I am at….Here is what I would suggest or as I like to do….my “receipt”
- 5 gallons of STFU (that would be Shut the F up) - Unlimited amounts of DETACHMENT - A dash of I don’t give a f*ck - 2 nights a week of GALing - Beer (I refuse to provide the exact quantity and leave that up to you…just don’t become a drunk) - 1 night a month of a little flirting…. - A ton of DAD (this would be being a parent to your kids….cause she may not be able to be one) - More detachment - A weekend away - Posting at least daily
I can go on and on Tad….this is something you go THROUGH not around.
You know where to reach me bro….anytime….even in the middle of the night. You are not alone and YOU will survive….you will survive (insert picture of Eric signing with Gloria Gaynard…with True Grit as a back up singer in pumps and a smoking hot dress)….LOL….
Live is short Tad….
Live it dude….
Live it….
Start today….
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Take that advice Tad. Take back your life and leave the key on the floor at the door....
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Wow. Lots of replies. Thanks everyone. I will respond later. I just wanted to get on here and ask a quick question.
I was trying to sleep when I had a terrible thought.
Is it possible that she could already be done "cooking", is a changed person and has decided that this is what she really wants? Could the MLC already be over?
Wish me luck tomorrow.....
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Is it possible that she could already be done "cooking", is a changed person and has decided that this is what she really wants? Could the MLC already be over?
Wish me luck tomorrow.....
NO, I doubt she is over the MLC. It does not end that fast and when it does it ends with a whimper not a bang.
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
