I went back and read through parts of your old thread and what I see is your W had the deck stacked against her in her childhood.
She had a "crisis' childhood. While that doesn't doom one to expereince what she is doing it is one of the things that can affect people in their adult lives when the crisis child comes back for its pound of flesh.
I would encourage you to read through the resources here at the top of this forum about MLC.
Now it is my opinion that you shouldn't be too concerned with diagnosing your W as to understand that she is trying to reconcile crisis in her life.
Crisis you did not cause and that you can't fix.
Please read that again.
You have to remove yourself from her drama. Protect yourself and your children in every way you can be harmed:
Emotionally, financially and legally.
It will be hard for you to do this because you love her and she is the mother to your children
But
The person you have known in your M all these years is gone for now.
I hate to be so dramatic but would you let your dog back in the house if it was rabid?
Not the same thing but close or maybe worse in the damage it can cause you and your family.
You still love the dog but realize you can't let it back in until it is free of its sickness.
Bobby this is a tough card to draw.
Best to realize quickly that this is not going to right itself quickly and
Best to detach yourself from your W
Otherwise you will draw yourself and your family back into the storm.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
