@Starsky, I believe you are still not understanding my discussion on boundaries (or rules). I am referring to rules for my children. Since they "children" are now nearly 19 and 17 and live with their mother full time, there isn't a lot I can do about it. I am trying to say this as diplomatically as possible but you have a tendency to make strong opinions without asking questions to clarify the issue. Repeatedly, I have explained to someone who has small children that when your children are older (and they will always be my children), you will not have the control over them that you once did. My children have made the decision to stay with their mom because I have rules when they are with me. I have found that to be incredibly hard since I want to see them but, in the long term, I know they will benefit from my being consistent.
My W, instead of having consistent rules (boundaries), allows the kids to act over-independent of their age. When the kids run into issues, they react poorly because they haven't been prepared and they no longer feel they have someone to turn to. They come to me only as a last resort.
@Fig, are you speaking to me or someone else?
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I find it disturbing that I am having to defend myself to people on this board (as are others that are posting on my thread that are determined to stand for one reason or another) as to my faith. I have avoided (I hope successful) before this post, to make any type of comments about others decisions.
I have respected their decision even if I disagree with their choices. And now, I (and others) find myself being criticized for my "interpretation" of scripture, as if mine is any less valid. Now, if I cherry-picked scripture without reading the bible and ignored other scripture that is before and after specific verses, that would still be up to me, however, I have the personality where I cannot accept the easy way out.
I do have a theory, which I hope I am wrong, in that it is possible that others are having issues with my stand (and the stand others have mentioned on this thread) because they feel as if they would be "less" if they have either decided to "move on" or may decide to move on later.
This is the part that is going to tick off a lot of people on this site. I am a big believer in DB techniques but one that I have to say is not part of the "technique" is the part of dating. Michelle has not condoned dating others. She talks about getting a life meaning finding ways to "live" while your S is off on their journey. It isn't good for anyone to sit around, moping, waiting for their S to come back. In fact, doing for others, charitable programs, physical activities, etc is excellent.
If you are dating, and still married, I have avoided making a comment. It is none of my business. If I am not dating, it is none of yours.
You have no idea if I am generally happy or sad. If I post something here about my kids and my concerns, I am simply sharing what is happening. I don't mind advice. Some of it is very good. The challenge is that many people are ready to give advice without learning more about the situation before they speak. Also, since this space is devoid of face-to-face conversation, much of the detail around someones life is sketchy to say the least.
And...some people are in their situation for a reason and are taking out their aggressions or what has happened to them out on another person, being harshly critical.
I know that this is probably upsetting a number of people but I have swallowed my frustration and bitten my tongue numerous times while, in the meantime, people are hitting me with unneeded (and full strength) 2x4s.
I don't know if it was directed toward me or someone else on my thread but I was completely surprised when someone questioned the strength of their faith. I haven't questioned others faith here and I really find it disturbing when a person is questioned who have made learning the bible a priority.
About DBing, I try to apply the principles of DBing to other R in my life as well. I find myself having to bend over backwards here as well, trying to avoid offending someone in return.
@Starsky, I believe you are still not understanding my discussion on boundaries (or rules). I am referring to rules for my children. Since they "children" are now nearly 19 and 17 and live with their mother full time, there isn't a lot I can do about it. I am trying to say this as diplomatically as possible but you have a tendency to make strong opinions without asking questions to clarify the issue. Repeatedly, I have explained to someone who has small children that when your children are older (and they will always be my children), you will not have the control over them that you once did. My children have made the decision to stay with their mom because I have rules when they are with me. I have found that to be incredibly hard since I want to see them but, in the long term, I know they will benefit from my being consistent.
My W, instead of having consistent rules (boundaries), allows the kids to act over-independent of their age. When the kids run into issues, they react poorly because they haven't been prepared and they no longer feel they have someone to turn to. They come to me only as a last resort.
MMF,
You don't need to defend yourself to me. The last I posted to you, I said:
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
OK. Can't say as I agree, but I deeply respect your faith, and that you are doing what God is leading you to do.
And I wish you great success and blessings!
Starsky
I'm not sure why you're getting so defensive, unless it's with someone other than me. If you are content with the path you are taking, then that's your decision.
Starsky, this boundary issue has been brought up several times which I thought had been clarified. My comment had to do with your last response to Lorie. I started to chuckle when you said I was being defensive. I don't deny it but I apparently caused you to react the same way.
MMF are you upset with my post? My post was not directed to you but an "in general" post.
I worry when people hide behind faith instead of embracing it
faith is the leap
sometimes God calls us to leap when he has called us to stay before
I was not questioning anyone's faith persay....
I was simply stating that I hope no one (and again I am sorry if you feel I implied you but I truly was more musing than isolating any one person...as evidenced by the story of my grandparents...)hides behind faith instead of being ready to leap whenever it is requested
we cannot know what God calls from each of us
I do not pretend to know what God tells you
I only know how He speaks to me and what He calls me to do
I would caution anyone who feels complacent in their belief as the call to leap comes at us fairly consistently in many different ways (not speaking specifically relationship-wise, for example, there are probably many times God tells me to do something that is different than what I have been doing but I have grown comfortable in what I am doing (or not doing)and what I am doing isn't BAAAAAAAAAAD but God wants me to do something different (for instance, Cori works with this really nice guy but his family lives about 4 hours away...I have asked him to come over for meals but he has refused. I haven't pushed really because it would mean I would have to clean (yuck)and he is a little more religiously conservative than me so I worry about that (siiiiigh) It isn't bad and I am doing what I know I should do by continuing to ask BUT there are other options...maybe I could bring food to the office, maybe I could push harder, maybe I could clean anyway (yuck) BUT you get my drift? I know God intends for me to offer my hospitality and to get to know him better. I know, in my heart, that he is supposed to be involved in our family somehow...now I don't know how (faith) and I don't know why (faith) but I KNOW it (faith). I can complacently sit and know that I asked and know he refused and feel that I did what I could and God will do the rest OR I can try some other ideas...) I am not implying that people didn't try in their marriage...this is not a marriage thingy but rather a complacency thingy...does that make sense?
probably not
anyway
no questioning of faith intended MMF just a caution of not becoming deaf to God's words because we THINK we know what He is saying based on what He has said before or to someone else
God can say different things at different times, depending on the lesson and whom He is teaching
MMF, I don't think anyone is attacking you or asking to defend yourself. I just think you are hearing a difference of opinion. As Starsky pointed out, whatever you decide to do is your business, there are some who just don't agree with your interpretation of Religion and scripture. Believe me, there are plenty of people here who don't agree with me and that's their right.
Regardless, scripture that has applied to others in the bible does apply to us in the present. God doesn't change. I am not arguing the point but it is easy to say that God intended something in particular for one person and not others. If we use Abraham and Isaac as an example, God will probably not test our faith by asking us to sacrifice our son on an altar (God wouldn't likely have a sacrifice anyway since Jesus was the sacrifice for our atonement of sins). BUT God may test our faith to see if He comes first. So, my point is that we may be tested in our faith but the manner in which we are tested may be different.
God still feels the same (based on scripture) about sin. If something wasn't okay in the Old and New Testament, it applies today.
Fig, have you read Job or Hosea? (And believe me I am not picking on you at all) Do you believe the bible is the word of God and can be relied upon as innerant, infallible and God-breathed?
Starsky, this boundary issue has been brought up several times which I thought had been clarified. My comment had to do with your last response to Lorie. I started to chuckle when you said I was being defensive. I don't deny it but I apparently caused you to react the same way.
Hardly. I gave you the simple courtesy of a response (and Lori too), since I was asked direct questions.
Since my posting to you seems to annoy you, I will move on and seriously do wish you and your family the best of success, MMF. Yours is not an easy path to try and take.
and yes...I have read the Bible...I even studied it in college and considered minor or majoring in theology...
I believe that the Bible was inspired by the Word of God and translated by man. Man is fallable (sorry about the spelling.) The different translations of the Bible (even from different languages) obviously lends itself to easy misinterpretation.
I believe that God wants certain things for us. Our free will, our greatest gift, gets in our own darn way sometimes. Because of this, our path sometimes changes. God's plan for us doesn't but because we are on a different path, God adjusts the route we must take.
I believe that God's greatest commandment is to love one another as He has loved us. However we feel compelled to show that love will come to us from God.
Your belief is that God is instructing you to stand forever I do not claim to know what God is telling you
I only ask that you not become so enamoured of your own voice and your own interpretation that you forget to listen to God (not even REMOTELY suggesting that YOU are...I am simply stating that while you have been called to stand, many other are not given that same message by the same God)
I guess, I am just offering another way to look at things.
I respect your opinion on the bible but we do have a different viewpoint. I believe the bible is God-breathed and completely trustworthy. I believe Jesus is the only way to the Father (per scripture) and that Jesus said that the first command is to love God with all of our heart, mind and soul. And second to love others as He loves us.
I admit it does bother me that you would think that my stand is due to my own ego (my word, not yours). Why would God tell me to stand one day and then not the next? Is it possible? Yes but it is something that is not consistent with God and He is consistent.
The challenge is that if you don't believe the word of God is trustworthy (again, I am not criticizing your view just explaining a key difference) and I do, then you will not be able to understand my reason for standing.
Figgy, if you dont believe the word of God to be 100% true, what part of the bible do you choose to believe and what part do you choose not to?
