Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Thank you Ellie and Holdingon for posting.

That tatoo idea sounds great, Ellie. Now I just need to sneak away and have it done. Have a business trip coming up - maybe I can do it then! I am glad to read that your daughter is doing better. This is wonderful.

Thank you, Holdingon. I appreciate your encouragement very much. At times I hit a low point in this healing process and slip back into the negative thinking/fearfulness. More often than not, I have thought of you, your faithfulness and your joyful spirit, and that is one of the things that has kept me going. You are truly an example. Thank you for your kindness.



Still trying to gather up goals......
Goals have always been a help to me through this whole process, so I wanted to group mine from my old threads for a starting point to make a new list. When I have goals to focus on, I am less likely to let my mind wander into the darker areas. I believe that it is necessary to feel all the emotions associated with this trip, in order to heal. This takes time. I just can't let myself dwell in the low points, or let feeling the hurt and anger eat up my life.



Now I have the goal of really forgiving him. How to do this?
1. Each day, when I wake up, make the decision to forgive him and live as if he's forgiven. (Stop the scenarios in my head about how I've been hurt. Fantasies about confronting the OW, etc.)
2. Redirect my thoughts when the "how could he have done this to me" thoughts come up.
3. Live each day as a gift - because that's what they are - smile, laugh, see the joy in our everyday days.
4. Pray, pray, pray about the fears and my fearful nature in general - this is a decision too.


I have also noticed that I was much more joyful with the children at times during the S, than I often am now. I think some of this stems from me having very little time to myself - almost none, so I have to work on that.

Know that you and your families are in my thoughts and prayers.