Im just going to give up.

[Queen_of_Swords]

But I guess the thing that eats at me the most, besides OW, is not knowing what i did or that he didnt have the decency or courage to tell me what i did. He just walked. Thank You everyone. You encouragement helps.

Rue, you like the rest of us, likely had a few behaviours percieved by your spouse as negative, that he initially saw as a positive in the beginning of your M. Or, you rubbed each other's emotional sore spots so regularly he couldn't take it anymore, or you both got complacent, or______________
fill in the blank.

Rue as hard as it is to really understand, his walking out was NOT about you.

Really it wasn't. I know there are days I still can't wrap my head around that reality and I think, " There has gotta be something I can do to bring him back. Something I can do to have him fall in love with me again."

There is nothing I can do, nothing I can say no magic incantion or combination of things that will do that.

The only thing that might, is to become the person you were truly meant to be. That's why the people moderating and trying to help you through this keep saying work on you.

Work on your dreams, ( if you forgot them or didn't have them), work on your known character flaws, work on your attitude, work on your negative behaviours. Do this FOR YOU.

Why? Well why not be the best you can be? Why not invest in YOU for a change?

Why not learn to live well and be happy without someone that doesn't want to be with be you, whatever the reason.
Your happiness didn't and doesn't lay exclusively with him or with the material goods of life.

One day, he may turn around to look back, and he may see what he really had. Then he may understand exactly what he walked away from ,and he left it/you all because of dissatisfaction with HIMSELF, with his dreams, with who he thought he was, and with where he thought he'd be in life. On that day, if it comes, he will realize that YOU weren't exclusively the problem. On that day he will figure out that he had his own garbage to work on too.

By then that won't be your problem anymore. You will have done the hard work of becoming a better, stronger, happy self.

Then you get to choose whether or not you want HIM back.