Piecing - Support Group Meeting

[saffie]

MZ

Give it time - you are only at the one year anniversary from all this coming out.

All these feelings you describe I had in bucket loads too. I can relate to so much you say. Over time though my H has realized what a skank and gold digger OW was, and so for him, there was no point in putting energy in to contacting her in any way. He felt the best thing was to move on and make our new life more pleasurable together.

At the time I still wanted some sort of retribution re OW and so this attitude didn't sit well with me. However, I now think it was the right attitude.....by giving the OW so much time and attention in my brain, I was letting her live on and continue to damage my M. 'I' was doing that with just my thought process - 'I' was stopping our M getting back on track. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me so much at this time; it helped me see when my thought processes were unhealthy and how to deal with them. It helped me forgive my H and move on, ( although I still wobble from time to time and have to remind myself of the coping strategies). I also made the decision in my mind that it was ok NOT to ever forgive OW, but at the same time I would stop letting her live, (and take up valuable space), in my head.

At some point you have to move on. Only you can determine when that happens....and truly it sounds to me like it is more down to you than your H at this stage. get out there and plan some new happy memories together. The money spent on your H going and telling OW he prefers you could be better spent on you going away somewhere as a couple. Don't you think OW understands that she was rejected by now? I know that may sound trite to you....but it is what I have learned to feel about that b!tch of an OW that was involved with my H. However 'nicely' he let her down, he showed himself to be weak to her.....and also that she wasn't worth holding on to.....that she had been the patsy, and only a tool in restoring our M.