I haven't had much changes to report lately, I have been sticking to my 180s and working on GAL. My W has gone away for the weekend to somethingfest, which is a large outdoor music festival. Her and her 'friends' are camping over night last night and tonight in their girlfriends tent trailer (or so she says). My wife is suddenly into country music something that she would never have listened to just 18 months ago. It's kinda funny because her music of choice is pop or what she calls "boom boom" music, so different.
I am having a tough time keeping my mind from questioning as to whether she is truly with the girls, or if she is with OM. It's hard to know what to think after the A was revealed. I truly have lost all my trust in her. Sometime I feel really hopeless about our sitch, and other time I am very optimistic. This brings me to my question:
Should I be working on fostering more open communication with her, or should I be keeping my distance and pulling away?
She seemed to respond positively on Thursday night at my sons swimming lessons, when we talked and I made good eye contact. I have noticed that when I pull away, she does not seem to draw closer. If I didn't know better, I would think she is reading this DB board or getting tipped off to my thoughts.
I have resigned myself to the fact that my W is no longer the person I fell in love with and married. She is behaving like she is 18 again. I am trying to be patient, but it is difficult. I only ever show her my strong, confident independence. I know I will have to put in a lot more time and effort before she possibly wakes yp.
I wonder if her change in behavior is because she was a mother so young at 22. Is this behavior now, her early MLC?
I really miss the girls (my daughters), they have been gone a full week now. I call them every day and we say their bedtime prayers over the phone. It is good to still have that connection. My son would never admit it but he misses his sisters too. He and I have been doing lots together while the girls are gone and it has boosted our relationship greatly. I like to sit on the porch swing and read, and he has taken up that too. He has struggled with reading this whole year. He was at a grade 2 reading level and he is in grade 4. The reason he is behind is because he is so strong in math and science (he is at a grade 9level). Next year he is going into a gifted science program to keep him stimulated. He did end the year with a 'B' in reading, so he made great improvement. My goal for him this summer is to continue to encourage his reading to strengthen his proficiency and confidence. I am VERY proud of him, and I make sure I tell him that too.
I have been starting to save boxes, and put them in the laundry room. I will just keep building up the pile as we get boxes from groceries etc. I can see my W throwing them all out one day though because she won't like the clutter. I will feel good when she knows that I am moving forward. As far as any other things I can do to work on my behaviors, I can't think of anything more. I am happy with the man I am today.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
