MMF, I hope u don't mind, but I want to address Starsky and his concerns about our standing and our children. Starsky, u seem to think we r hurting our children by standing for our marriages, and that is not the case. MMF has stated his children r having trouble, not because he is standing, but because of the effects tjat Separation and Divorce have on children. It is never easy for a child to deal with at any age. If u were to ask ur friends whose parents r still married if those same parents divorced today they would tell u it would be devastating to them. I know many of us who stand for our marriage in a way that is honorable and allow our children to understand the importance of marriage and the vows we take. Being Christian and listing to God and following His will is all part of that. I have had a very frank discussion with my D about making promises and keeping them. I have explained that no one deserves to be treated poorly, but when I made my marriage vows, they were not just to her father but God also and I have to keep those vows to God no matter the choices her father is making. She totally got that, and understands that standing for my marriage is nothing like being a doormat, but all about keeping my promises. I hope this really helps u to better understand our decisions to stand for our marriage and how that in and of itself doesn't hurt our children, the separation and divorce is what hurts them and causes them to make poor choices.
Blessings!
Lorie,
I was concerned about what MMF had put in his first post on this thread, about there being "no boundaries" around these kids, and that they weren't doing well:
Quote:
Also, I feel that I am not only standing for my marriage but for my entire family. My children have not fared well over the years.
My wife went from being a non-judgmental moral based person to someone who is living with another person and doesn't try to lead our children by example. My kids are having a tough time knowing and living with boundaries because there are no boundaries anymore. My wife does get mad at the kids if they do something that upsets her but she treats all of them like friends, i.e. adults that can make all of their own choices. When they make a choice she isnt happy with, she gets very upset with them.
Nearly everyone who advocates for long-term "standing," correctly also advises that there be strong boundaries in place. It was the "lack of boundaries" that I was questioning on this thread.
