I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. I'll leave the sign alone this year.

Minnesota trip going well. The fact that I'm with family is a major help. D8 is coming down with a cold and it's great to be able to have D12 head off with her great aunt or aunt.

That's been one of the problems over the past two years. I don't have family close by. It's just me. XW has her mom to help.

This trip is going really, really, really well. Family helping with the costs as well.

Tomorrow will be touchy. D8 is unlikely to be able to make it to the amusement park. But again it won't hurt D12 this time. She can just go to the park with the rest of the family.

Twenty years from now they'll remember this trip. I guarantee that.

[Onthemountaintop]

You mentioned some complaining about the food you cooked. I figure:

1. The kids want you to succeed, so if they complain it doesn't mean they are angry with you.

2. I bought a few good cookbooks...
- Rachel Ray has a good one for kids (they cook, not you)
- Jamie Oliver has 'the food revolution' which gives advice about how to cook & lots of picture based cooking
- Mens Health has a Cook This book about cooking food from restaurants at home, again, lots of pictures.

3. When you present the food - be confident in the quality of it. They don't have to like it for it to be a success. I've had amazing dishes that I've done and 3/5 kids LOVED it, and 2 complained. I asked them what they would want in the future, calmly, and then discussed the pros and cons.

BTW - they'll remember their trip, but consider trying to have some good times with them personally while you're there so they remember you and the trip.

OMT~

[ClingingToHope]

Back from vacation. Trip went well. There was one small incident in the hotel I wished I'd handled better. The ride home was pretty good. Really, the best trip we've taken so far.

Strange ending though. As soon as we got home, D12 went to a swimming party which had almost all of her classmates from sixth grade.

I figured she'd have a blast. When I picked her up she was upset. She said everyone separated into cliques. She's not comfortable in any and .... her whole life is ruined.

Wow, these teenage years are going to be tough. She wanted to go to XW's when we got home and that was fine. I was walking her over there and she was getting angry with me because I was saying she needed to care less about what others think.

Yes ... easier said than done.

D12 didn't like that. Really she wasn't happy about anything and mentioned she just wanted to kill herself. She again brought up the divorce and how she hates being at my house because I should be at her house.

God it was an awful conversation. I didn't let her go to XW's until she calmed down a little. She didn't calm down much.

I sent XW an email saying I was concerned about this suicide talk and again saying D12 should be left alone under no circumstances. XW has left her alone when she's sick and XW doesn't want to take off work. I hate that.

A big storm hit that night and the power has been out ever since -- so I don't think she's seen the email.

Last night was weird. It's XW's week off and she has the girls and I assumed they'd be going to her mom's campground. They stayed in town for some reason and D12 texts me that I have a book of hers.

Sure enough I do. She asks me to bring it over.

I walk over and the power is still out. D8 comes running out and asks me to stay. XW says I can if I want to. So I head in and we all head downstairs where everyone is reading by flashlight.

So D12 is laying in my old bed, I'm next to her with D8 while she reads. D8 was ecstatic that we were all together.

It was weird though laying on my old bed. XW sat on a couch reading.

After 30 minutes I said I needed to head home. I'd started a small fire in my firepit at my house and needed to get back. That was the truth. You can't leave a fire unattended. But I also needed to get out of there. D8 walked me about half a block, turned back and I watched her go back inside.

It's starting to feel normal.

[Onthemountaintop]

You may hate the feelings that churn up with xwify all chummy, but imagine the opposite - someone who u love who hates u without cause u know of, attacking u or alienating you when she can from your kids.

It may hurt now, but keep focused on the long term. You still have a sort of friend in your x. You know if u are sent to emerg, she will help. You know she'll talk with you about your d12 when she's d16 and in a typical teenager mode.

Keep your faith that God alone gave opportunities when you were married to be a good man, but that He knows you can learn from this test just as you could from your opportunities.

[ClingingToHope]

It's hard to count the blessings in a D.

I should be grateful she didn't go after me for every dime.

I should be grateful that she never restricts access to the girls.

I think I will be some day. That day still isn't today.

[ClingingToHope]

Made the trip across town to sign papers to put old house back on market. Stomach all tied up in knots.

My brain kept making leaps.

If she sells, the girls will put on brave faces when they pack in move, but it's the only house they've ever know.

Personally, I built the bridge across the creek. I dug out the fire pit. I built the two level garden. I scraped the floors to put in the hardwood and the carpet. I crunched the numbers and took out the loans to put in the new windows and air conditioning. I went to the city council meetings to get a variance to build the two-car garage. I personally gutted the basement after a massive flood in 2008 and spent hours working with the contractors in redoing it to XW's exact specifications.

I didn't want to stay there forever. I wanted to sell and move into "our" dream home.

Realistically, it still may not sell, even as a short sale.

As I was driving away from the real estate office, I told myself to move on. It's a done deal. I will "buy" a house again before XW.

The last thing I have to do is quit dragging my feet on stuff like this. Rip the band aid off. The fewer real ties to XW the better.

[whatisis]

Nothing wrong with feeling a little grief over the house, it's a loss too!

[Daybreak]

CTH,

I agree with Wii. I felt a great deal of loss concerning my old house but it is only "stuff" in the overall picture. You continue to work at being a wonderful father for your kids - as I try to do every day - along with Wii and the other dads that find their way here...

[ClingingToHope]

Rough week at work. On Thursday, out of the blue, my newspaper cut 14 people. I survived, but my best friend at the paper got cut. It's a one newspaper town, so he's going to have to move.

I spent all day Friday setting up meetings with people for advice on finding a new career and what I could do.

So that'll take up a lot of my focus over the next few months.

It's funny how much life is changing for me. Five years ago I thought I had it all figured out.

Out tonight with friends, but I doubt I'll be out late. I'm really drained.

[whatisis]

Sorry about your friend. Layoffs take a toll on everybody, even those who are left. It sure doesn't leave you with a very secure feeling, does it.