"What if you were now D and understood that you will never know those reasons? How would you deal with it? If she disappeared and it was impossible to ever have her be able to tell you "why"?"
I think I understand what you're getting at. I should communicate with her now while I can so I understand as much as possible how she feels. I may lose the chance at any time. At this point I really feel like I understand what is going on between us.
Personally the issues that we both have, and the issues between us, are not things that would prompt me to initiate ending our marriage over. But I can clearly see that we both have issues to deal with.
"How about this...? Don't be controlling..."
Ooh ouch. Yeah point taken. I absolutely believe the only person I can control is myself. I've seen it work. You might be able to understand that we're all at different places when it comes to reactivity and being able to completely control our behavior. By using the word "try" I believe I'm acknowledge that I'm not perfect, and am aware of that. Am not trying to say I "won't be controlling" when I know this is still somewhat beyond my control and I need to keep working on it. Make sense? That said, even since I wrote that post 2 weeks ago I've gotten better at managing reactivity. I honestly do put time in every day to improve my ability to interact with people socially.
Compared to before this separation experience I'm leaps and bounds ahead in terms of social/mind/body awareness. It actually boggles my mind how far gone I was before, and I'm thankful to my wife for bringing this to the forefront of my attention. It sounds weird but as uncomfortable as this whole experience has been I don't regret it, because it snapped me out of what I would call an extreme detached state.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my posts and respond, thank you.
As far as getting a life, yes I have been having a good time doing that. There's lots of stuff to do in Portland, OR where I live. I almost think of it as a big playground. Last Saturday I had one of the craziest days in a long time that started off with yoga in the park, then a massage, then hanging out at a coffee shop and meeting some cool people, then meeting more cool people in a bar, then waking up the next morning "wow!" what a crazy day!
