New to the forum.

[Lonely in SLC]

I'm back, feeling a little bit better than this morning. Still frustrated though.

So my W and I go in to the court at 08:00 this morning to file the paperwork together with the help of one of her friends. It took about 15 min ti sign everything in front of the notary and to pay the fees. Tears are streaming down both of our faces the entire time, but not a word was spoken between us.

Afterwards we start heading back to our vehicles in the parking lot. At this point I'm thinking she doesn't even want to speak or say a word, fine, if that what she wants. She suddenly says goodbye to her friend than asks to speak with me in my truck. Tears are still rolling down our faces.

As soon as we enter she starts bawling, which gets me crying even more. She asks how did we let this get so far. I just say I'm sorry for not being a better husband and father. I tell her I feel like such a failure. She reasssures me that it was both of us, and that she feels like a failure as well.

She continues to tell me that she could not sleep at all last night and almost did not come down to file the paperwork, that she still loves me! I could feel and see in her eyes her love for me still. I'm thinking to myself, then why did you come down. She was so sure this was the best and only way to fix things, and now she has doubts and asks me if everything is going to be ok. WHAT??? I tell her everything is going to work out, comforting her.

She goes on saying taht she is scared and that she is alone. (All of her family lives in Chile). I tell her that I am still part of her family as she is mine. I will always be there for her. She then starts talking about how I look great, and she misses looking into my blue eyes. I guess this is a good sign, just weird that she starts mentioning it the day we sign our divorce papers.

We finally begin to compose ourselves. She finishes by telling me that she still needs time to heal herself, but she ends by promising me that we will have another chance to be together in the future.

I guess the journey continues. At the end of the day, my story will be a success story that I will share with the rest of you. I vow to DO the necessary HARD things to earn her trust and love again.