She said, "That's how I felt last night, like you were just saying you liked the cat because you thought that's what I'd want you to do".
If I saw that...I'm sure she did.
Give when you don't not expect a reaction or are trying to curry favor, but doing it because you truly want to give. I think this is "true giving." And that includes verbal support.
Don't get me wrong. I walk that fine like so damn often I oughta be in the circus.
My biggest issue is when to back off. Throughout our marriage I'm more the giver. I mean, if my wife is out of soda, I'll remember to pick some up for her at the store w/o her reminding me. I remember all the b-days, anniversaries, special moments, etc.
Now, I'm trying to do stuff that I genuinely want to do. The problem is that I think what I genuinely want to do is too much. I have a problem saying no. I have to rely on my W at bit.
But I am learning. Like last night my W says "Don't make the kids lunches." before I would have, now I don't.
Honestly, that is the good thing about moving out. I won't get the opportunity to do the little things anymore. I really, really don't mind doing them and I don't keep a scorecard. But what will I do with the free time.
A little story. Last night I was running along a busy street with houses on one side. A garage door opened and a little dog shot out towards the street. The owner screamed out the dog's name in sheer panic. The dog then veered and made a B-line toward me. He then stopped for some reason and rolled over. I picked up the mutt and went to the owner to give her dog back. I have a dog...my dogs have gotten out. I was happy to let this woman avoid that panic. now most people would have done the same, but I didn't do b/c I expected anything (other than to spare the mutt getting run over) In fact, I handed the dog over and continued running.
Of course, it made me feel good because it was giving. Now if the owner would have just stopped an expected me to catch her dog. I would feel very different (though done the same thing)
You can do that and have that with your W.
(there goes Harrier, making the thread about him)
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
