Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Thank you, Jackie - I can always count on your posts to help me see through the rough patches. I almost didn't post all of that - because I was afraid of how I would sound - completely nuts. That's just why I did it - to get out the crazies, so I could go on with the day. It's wierd - I could totally see how irrational the feelings were. That whole incident is teid to my lifelong feelings of low self esteem. This is something I thought I had made some progress with - obviously I need alot more work in thius area. It wasn't so much that I didn't want him to be nice to someone else - it just made me feel that I was less than special, which is a feeling I have had forever. This week has just been one during which I feel like I'm doing a bad job in every part of my life. (For the last two weeks work has been just awfully busy and stressful. This will change on Monday.The house is a mess, I've yelled at the children.....Inside I feel like there's no room at all for any more stress - I've also been very tired - I even slept through a page last night - which I've never done before.) Everyone says this isn't true, and when I come out of my fog enough to think clearly, I see that it's not true - the feelings are just so hard to shake. I have wondered if being off OCP's is making me more emotional in general - I don't know? My other thought was that maybe I'm depressed - but why would I be depressed at this point? Ellie - are you out there?

I am actually proud of H that he is so kind - this is one of the things I was most attracted to initially and one of the traits in H that reminds me of his father (who I've really been missing so much lately), which is a good thing.

Things are better today, although I think I've lost the keys to the car!

Nitaf - thank you for your post. I joined the board in 4/03. My threads have disappeared, but you can get to them by way of a link at the beginning of this thread. My H and I were separated form 2/03 until mid October of '03. We had started to reconcile in 7/03, but H worked out of town for three months, so didn't move back home or give up his other house until 10/03. So, I guess about 5 months of separation because of the R and three months b/c of H's job. If he hadn't gone out of town, I'm not sure when he would've moved back in.

As hard as it is, try not to obsess about an OP. I want to read your thread - hopefully I will be able to in the next day or so. Hang in there.