Old Telemark would have passed on the reception; not real good at small talk, uncomfortable with people I don't know well, self-conscious...pick a reason.
New Telemark went and had a great time. All of the old phobias and fears were left at the door. Met new people and made some good contacts, and had requests from the H for H staff to become more involved.
Telemark, this is awesome! Very, very good changes. You have to keep doing these kind of things.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
For any newcomers that have landed here and are reading this, I know the intense pain and despair you are feeling right now. And it may sound like a cliche, but it will get better as time goes on if you take charge of your own life, your own emotions and your own activities. Don't get stuck. Get out of the house. Surround yourself with good people. Move your body. Turn off the TV. Read inspirational books and articles. Volunteer to help those who need help. Do something; do anything.
^^^ Excellent advice. It's amazing how different you feel when you get out and do things.
This is a long one, so fix yourself a drink and get comfy.
W took SS21 to his doctor yesterday; the autism is coupled with OCD and his OCD episodes have been getting worse. W got home w/ SS21 about 3:30 and I could tell she was very agitated. I asked what was wrong and she said SS21 was out of control at the dr.'s office, and needed to be physically restrained to keep him from hurting himself or others.
But then she went off on a loud tirade about SS21's father (her XH); how he never took time off his work to take SS21 to the dr.; that he always let W handle all the details; that she wanted to run him over, wished he was dead, useless piece of s**t, etc.
They've been divorced for almost 12 years. She has not let go.
You get the picture...
I let her rant, told her I was sorry about the problems and offered to stay w/ SS21 if she wanted to return to work for the rest of the afternoon. She agreed and left. When she got home in the evening, I made sure everybody was cool, calm and collected and I left to join a friend for dinner.
Halfway through dinner I get a TM from SS21's stepmother ( W#2 to my W's XH...everybody follow that?). She asks if I can call her immediately. I explain the sitch to my friend; he knows what is going on and graciously allows me to call her.
So I call. Stepmom tells me my W has been calling and texting XH telling him he is a lousy father, irresponsible, completely useless, she wished he were dead,, etc.
You get the picture...
Stepmom then tells me W told XH that SS21 may have the onset of kidney disease due to the amount of lithium he has been taking for his various conditions, and that was XH's fault for not being more proactive with SS21's diagnoses and medications. Of course, XH was shattered with this news.
I told stepmom to tell XH to stop taking W's calls and to not reply to W's texts. We then talked about how we (stepmom & I) could help each other w/ SS21 and not get involved w/ my W and her XH while they are at each other's throats.
As of now, W still has said nothing to me about any of this, including the dr.'s diagnosis of SS21.
I think W is really going off the deep end. She has never torn into somebody that way; not even me. I see her becoming more hardened, more cold, more withdrawn...she is constantly agitated by most of the people in her life. Yes, it is a lot to handle; but to tell her XH she wished he was dead? No excuse for that.
Living in the same house forces me to be closer to these situations than I want to be. This morning I looked at her while she was drinking her coffee, and I realized I am loving her less and less. She has become a stranger to me.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Sorry for your pain, tele. Hang in there. W is having a very bad episode IMO due to stress of SS21. This too shall pass. Be strong.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Telemark - I agree with AC. It sounds like a major episode of stress, and it's her reaction. Hang in there.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
Oh, the drama...
Living in the same house forces me to be closer to these situations than I want to be.
Yes, this is one of the disadvantages to living in the same house. All the drama. It's nice to get away from it. In my case, I felt like my W was manufacturing drama to reinforce her decision.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
This morning I looked at her while she was drinking her coffee, and I realized I am loving her less and less. She has become a stranger to me.
My suspicion is that you still love her and can still love her. You probably wouldn't be here if that were not the case. You absolutely don't love the way she's acting, though.
Actually, as small as I suppose it seems, this is my starting point for GAL. You see, I have always enjoyed conversations online - intellectually stimulating, have found people who have things in common with me. And I don't trip over my words...I'm afraid I sound much better in writing than I do IRL . So this is me starting to reach out to people in a small way that I have not done in years.
But I also know that I need to get some activity outside the house. Kinda hard to do when you have 5 kids and a job that takes up lots of time, but I have to do something.
Anyway, this post has been something of a tangent, but thank you, at any rate.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
When W dropped the bomb back in March, I stayed in our bed for 2 nights then moved to the couch in the living room, then to my son's bedroom (which is now the spare since he is out of the house) which is where I have been since then. I've read more than one article about this which says I should have stayed in our bedroom and had W move out if she did not want to share the bed with me.
So, it's been 4+ months. I've endured her infidelity with the EA and all of the crap that comes with an EA, her lying about the EA/OM, her complete rejection of me in every way possible, feeling like a 2nd class citizen in my own house and now the craziness I posted this morning.
I want to say to her everything I just wrote above, and start taking back my own life in my own house. Move back into our bedroom and let her find a new place to sleep. Tell her if she continues the EA, she needs to find another place to live.
My S and D see everything that is going on and wonder why I don't stand up for my rights and send her packing. They are furious at her and think she does not deserve me.
Yes, I love her. Yes, I want a new R/M with her. But how much infidelity, dishonesty, selfishness and cruelty should I put up with in the hope that something will turn around, which, according to her very words, will not happen?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Telemark, I think everybody's situation is different. In my experience, my W moved out of the bedroom into the guest bedroom. I recognized what she really needed was space. Because she was in the guest bedroom, it seemed like she was really bringing the pressure to move out and to D. To take the high road and to reduce pressure, I actually swapped bedrooms with her about 3 weeks in. She since moved out and I'm back in the bedroom with a new bed. However, I think you're situation is different than mine in that regard. I am under the impression you have been fed up for some time now with her behavior. It does appear to me you are prepared for the fall out if you were to start taking back your own life in your own house. IMHO you should not be the one to move out of the house, if it comes to that.
Some things to consider: - What will get you closer to your goal? - How much progress are you making? Is it none? What can you do differently?
Originally Posted By: Telemark
in the hope that something will turn around, which, according to her very words, will not happen?
My DB coach told me once when the WAW says something like this, she may be looking at you, but in reality she is telling herself this to squash her own hope she's feeling at the moment. Just food for thought. May or may not be the case.
. So this is me starting to reach out to people in a small way that I have not done in years. 
However, I think you're situation is different than mine in that regard.